Simone Knego

Is AI Biased Against Women? What the Research Shows

Simone Knego — Mon, 12 Oct 2026 08:03:30 +0000

Two letters, $120,000

This summer, UN Women shared a study of 133 AI systems used across industries. These findings raise a crucial question: is AI bias against women? Forty-four percent showed gender bias. More than a quarter showed both gender and racial bias.

Numbers like that can feel abstract. So let me make it personal.

Imagine two job candidates with the same degree, the same experience and the same role in mind. Both ask ChatGPT what salary to request.

The man is told to ask for $400,000. The woman is told to ask for $280,000.

The only difference in the prompt? Two letters. “He” became “she.”

That’s a real example from a 2025 study by researchers at the Technical University of Applied Sciences Würzburg-Schweinfurt in Germany. They tested five popular AI models, and every one of them consistently advised women to aim lower. Across the study, the gap usually landed around 10%. Some professions showed more, some less.

I want to be fair here. That $120,000 example is the most dramatic result, and the study hasn’t been peer-reviewed yet. But think about what a 10% gap means. It’s 10% less in your first offer, then 10% less in every raise built on top of it, for an entire career.

And it doesn’t stop at salary. In May 2026, researchers at Stanford and MIT Sloan asked about 1,000 Americans to write their own money questions for AI. Then they simulated a lifetime of following the answers from GPT-5.2 and Gemini 3 Flash. The women ended up with about $60,000 less by age 60, because the AI steered them toward more cautious choices with less money in stocks.

Here’s the twist. About two-thirds of that gap came from how the questions were asked. Women’s prompts focused on debt, credit and safe savings. Men’s focused on stocks and investing. When women used growth-focused language, the advice they got looked much closer to what men received. Hold onto that. We’ll come back to it.

Millions of women now ask AI for career advice. Many of them have no idea the advice might be shaped by their gender.

So where did AI learn to do this?

AI learned it from us

AI models learn by reading enormous amounts of human writing. Books, articles, websites, job postings, forum threads. Decades of it. And that writing carries every assumption we’ve ever made about women.

In 2024, UNESCO tested several popular AI models to see how they described men and women. The results were hard to read. The models connected women’s names with words like “home,” “family” and “children.” Men’s names showed up next to “business,” “salary” and “career.” In stories written by Meta’s Llama 2, women were placed in domestic roles four times as often as men.

It’s still happening with today’s tools. A March 2026 study by the communications firm LLYC looked at how ChatGPT, Gemini, Grok, Mistral and Llama responded to young women aged 16 to 25 in 12 countries. The models described them as “fragile,” encouraged them to look to others for validation and nudged their goals toward traditional roles. Those are the exact messages so many of us spent years unlearning.

We’ve seen where this leads. A few years ago, Amazon built an AI tool to screen résumés. It learned from ten years of the company’s past hiring, and most of those hires were men. So the tool decided men were the better candidates. It downgraded résumés that included the word “women’s,” as in “women’s chess club captain.” It marked down graduates of two all-women’s colleges. Amazon tried to fix it and eventually scrapped the project.

Nobody programmed these tools to underestimate women. They picked it up from the patterns in our history. And then they repeated those patterns back to us, with the confidence of a machine.

That last part matters. When a person gives you biased advice, you might question it. When a computer does, it feels objective. It feels like math.

Is AI even hearing you?

This one’s personal for me. I make my living with my voice. So I paid close attention when I learned how technology has treated women’s voices.

For years, speech recognition has struggled to hear women as clearly as men. Linguist Rachael Tatman studied YouTube’s automatic captions and found they were noticeably more accurate for male speakers. In her sample, if you picked a random man and a random woman, there was almost a 70% chance the man’s words would be transcribed more accurately. A separate study of doctors using dictation software found higher error rates for female physicians. These tools have improved since then. But the pattern tells you who they were built and tested for first.

Then there’s the voice that talks back. Think about Siri, Alexa and Google Assistant. For years, all of them used a female voice by default.

In 2019, UNESCO published a report called I’d Blush If I Could. The title came from Siri’s actual programmed reply when a user called her a sexist slur. The report argued that female-voiced assistants send a quiet message millions of times a day: that women are agreeable helpers, always available and always eager to please. It also noted that companies tended to use women’s voices for household tasks, while navigation systems more often used men’s voices.

Sit with that for a second. The helper sounds like a woman. The one who knows the way sounds like a man.

Siri’s reply has since been changed, and most assistants now offer other voice options. But the defaults we lived with for a decade shaped what millions of people heard every day.

Should you say please and thank you to AI?

Women are more polite to AI than men. Pew Research found that 62% of women had said “please” to their smart speakers, compared with 45% of men. A YouGov survey across 17 countries found the biggest gap in the United States, where women were 14 percentage points more likely than men to use polite language with AI.

I love that. Good manners are part of who we are. But does politeness change what AI gives you back?

The research is mixed. A 2025 Penn State study tested ChatGPT-4o with the same 50 questions written in five tones, from very polite to very rude. The very polite versions got 80.8% right. The very rude versions got 84.8%. The researchers were quick to say they don’t recommend being rude, and an earlier 2024 study found rude prompts often made answers worse. One small study isn’t the final word.

Here’s the part that caught my attention. One theory is that very polite prompts tend to be indirect. “Could you possibly tell me…” leaves more room for confusion than “Tell me…”

That’s a habit many of us learned long before AI.

We soften our asks, we add “if it’s not too much trouble” and “I was just wondering if maybe.” We do it in emails, in meetings and in salary negotiations. Now we’re doing it with a machine.

So if you want, keep your please and thank you. Then say exactly what you want: “Please give me a salary range for a senior marketing director in Tampa with 15 years of experience, and aim for the top of the market.” That’s polite, and it’s clear.

And what about thank you? Someone once asked OpenAI CEO Sam Altman how much it costs the company in electricity when people say please and thank you to ChatGPT. His answer: tens of millions of dollars, and he called it money well spent.

I’m with him. Gratitude is a habit worth practicing everywhere, including with a machine. Thank AI when it gives you a strong answer. And if it ever tells you to ask for less, skip the thank you and ask again.

Use your voice anyway

Here’s what I want you to take from all of this. AI is a tool. A powerful one. And like any tool, it reflects the people who built it and the data it learned from.

That means you get to stay in charge. Here’s how:

Test it yourself. Ask an AI tool for salary advice as a man. Then ask the same question as a woman. Compare the answers. You’ll never read AI advice the same way again.
Push back. The first answer is a starting point. Be direct about what you want. Ask, “Is that number on the high end of the market?” or “What would you tell someone who wanted to aim higher?”
Give it your full value. Share your results, your wins and the real market rate for your role. The more context you give, the less room there is for assumptions. And when you ask about money, ask about growth and investing, too.
Use AI more. Research shows women use these tools less than men. Every time a woman uses AI, questions it and corrects it, she adds her voice to what it learns.

I know using AI more can feel risky. A May 2026 study showed people two identical AI-written résumés, one from “James” and one from “Emily.” Reviewers saw James as resourceful. They questioned Emily’s integrity. Some of the harshest comments came from Gen Z men.

That double standard is real. It’s also one more reason to use AI openly and confidently, until it’s simply normal for women to use the same tools men use every day.

Confidence has always meant knowing your worth before anyone else confirms it. That includes a computer.

So the next time AI tells you to ask for less, push back and ask for what you’re worth.

Sources

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Three Generations, Same Fight: AI Bias, Women’s Confidence, and a Seat at the Table

Simone Knego — Tue, 06 Oct 2026 05:29:11 +0000

What happens when the AI tools we rely on start echoing the same biases women have been pushing against for generations? In this episode of Her Unshakeable Confidence, Simone and Olivia Knego unpack a John Hopkins’ study showing that prompts written in language patterns associated with women produced less formal, less sophisticated writing.

They talk about hedging, saying please and thank you to AI, and why fixing the bias should be the responsibility of AI developers. From women filling law and medical school classrooms while holding only 19% of CEO roles, to celebrating women for their accomplishments beyond being “the first,” this conversation is a reminder that your voice and your confidence belong to you.

Actionable Takeaways

Notice the hedges and qualifiers you use in your prompts, emails, and conversations.
Review and edit everything AI writes for you before you send it.
Keep your own word choices and use AI as a tool to support your thinking.
Adjust your AI settings so you get direct, honest feedback.
Celebrate women for what they accomplish, beyond being “the first female.”
Remember you have the power over how you show up and communicate.

Chapters

00:00 – The John Hopkins’ Study on AI and Women
02:14 – Hedging, Qualifiers, and How Women Communicate
03:08 – Collaborative Language and Saying Please to AI
04:59 – Do We Teach Compassion Differently to Girls and Boys?
07:27 – Breaking the Bias Cycle
08:28 – Tone, Confidence, and the Workplace
10:08 – Using AI Without Losing Your Voice
12:55 – Beyond “The First Female”
14:39 – Three Generations, Same Fight
16:01 – Confidence Tip: You Have the Power

Connect with Us

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Take our new QUIZ and discover what’s really holding you back and how to break free.

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REAL Confidence A Simple Guide to Go from Unsure to Unshakeable

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Instagram: @oliviaknego
LinkedIn: oliviaknego

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The Quiet Cracking Happening on Your Team (and How to Catch It Early)

Simone Knego — Mon, 05 Oct 2026 14:59:34 +0000

For years, people looked at me and saw a mom of six who had it all together. A full house, a full calendar, and everything handled. Whenever anyone asked how I was doing, I had the same answer: “I’m fine.”

What I didn’t say was how I actually felt. When my friend Jaime Marco shared what FINE really stands for, it was a true aha moment for me: Freaked out, Insecure, Neurotic, and Emotional. That was exactly what my “fine” meant.

I never felt like I was allowed to struggle out loud. So I did what so many of us do. I kept going. I kept showing up, kept smiling, and kept saying “fine,” while I was quietly running on empty.

Today there’s a name for what I was doing: quiet cracking. And it’s happening on teams everywhere. Researchers at TalentLMS found that 54% of employees experience some level of it, and 20% feel it frequently or constantly. People keep showing up, keep delivering, and keep smiling on camera, while their engagement drains a little more every week.

This Friday, October 10, is World Mental Health Day. The World Federation for Mental Health chose this year’s theme: “Lived Experiences Heard: Real Voices, Real Change.” I can’t think of a better reminder for leaders. Quiet cracking stays quiet because people don’t feel safe saying what’s really going on.

Why it’s costing you more than you think

Quiet cracking hides well. Output looks steady for months. By the time it shows up in missed targets, rising turnover, or a surprise resignation, the damage is already done.

The numbers back this up. Employees who are quietly cracking are 152% more likely to feel undervalued at work. Gallup found that only 31% of U.S. employees were engaged in 2025.

Every disengaged person on your team represents a gap between potential and performance, and that gap is where profit quietly leaks out.

How the REAL Method® helps you catch it early

R: Respect Yourself. Your team watches what you do far more closely than what you say. If you never take a break, answer emails at midnight, and call exhaustion “dedication,” your people will follow your lead. Respecting yourself out loud gives them permission to do the same.

E: Embrace Your Failures. Teams that can name a mistake openly can also name stress openly. Go first. Share a time you struggled and what you learned. That one moment of honesty makes it safer for someone else to raise a hand before they crack.

A: Ask Yourself What You Want. Then ask your team. Feeling stuck and unsure about growth is one of the biggest drivers of quiet cracking. A simple question like “What do you want to be doing a year from now?” tells people you see a future for them.

L: Live Without Limits. Invest in growth. Employees who received training in the past year feel 140% more secure in their roles. Development is one of the fastest ways to turn a quietly cracking employee into a confident, high performer.

Three things to try this week

Ask a better question. Swap “How are you?” for “What’s one thing making your week harder than it needs to be?” You’ll get a real answer instead of an automatic “fine.”
Run a team Ctrl-Alt-Delete. This simple reset helps your team catch the thinking that holds it back. Ctrl is awareness: notice the story the team is telling itself about a project or goal, then ask, “Is it real? Is it helpful?” Most of the time, the answer is no. Alt is the alternative: tell a better story together, so “What if this fails?” becomes “What happens when we succeed?” Delete is letting go: clear out the habits and beliefs that don’t serve the team, like the comparison game or the fear that you’re not enough for the challenge.
Notice the quiet ones. Watch for cameras that stay off, ideas that stop coming, and people who used to push back and now just nod. Check in privately and listen more than you talk.

Real voices create real change

World Mental Health Day is a great reason to start this conversation, and the best leaders keep it going all year. When your people feel heard, they bring their full confidence to work. That’s how you build a team that performs at its peak.

I still think about all the times I said “I’m fine” and hoped nobody would look closer. I wish someone had. That’s what I want for you as a leader. The next time someone on your team tells you they’re fine, get curious about which kind of FINE they mean.

And let me ask you: when’s the last time you said “I’m fine” and didn’t mean it?

Want to build a team where real voices get heard and performance follows? Learn more about The Confident Leader keynote at simoneknego.com.

Sources: TalentLMS research via The Interview Guys · AOL on quiet cracking and Gallup engagement · World Federation for Mental Health, 2026 theme

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What Does it Take to Reach the TOP of Your Mountain?

Simone Knego — Tue, 29 Sep 2026 10:46:21 +0000

What does it really take to climb a mountain, write a bestseller, and finally believe you’re enough? In this special episode recorded live at the Nashville launch of REAL Confidence, Simone sits down with her publisher, Allie, just days after the book hit #35 on the USA Today bestseller list.

Simone shares why she said yes to Kilimanjaro at 42 with no climbing experience and six kids at home, what it took to get truly vulnerable on the page, and how the REAL Method® helps you respect yourself, embrace your failures, ask yourself what you want, and live without limits. Plus live audience Q&A, her Control Alt Delete mindset hack, and yes, the famous pink pee funnel story.

Actionable Takeaways

Take action before you feel ready. Confidence grows from doing.
Remember that self-care is never selfish.
Treat confidence as a skill you build with practice, like a language or a workout.
Pay attention to the words you say to yourself. The people around you are listening.
Use Control Alt Delete: notice the thought, tell yourself a better story, and delete what doesn’t serve you.
Stop waiting for someone else’s permission. Tell yourself, “Yes, I can.”
Support the authors you love with a quick review. It takes 30 seconds and makes a real difference.

Chapters

00:00 – Celebrating the Launch and the USA Today List
02:30 – Why Kilimanjaro Became the Book’s Metaphor
04:04 – “Isn’t It Selfish?” Self-Care and Self-Validation
05:48 – The Pink Pee Funnel Story
09:40 – The REAL Method® Explained
11:53 – Live Without Limits and the Words We Say
15:47 – How Readers Are Being Impacted
16:45 – Audience Q&A: Why Confidence?
20:28 – The Control-Alt-Delete Mindset Hack
22:37 – Why She Said Yes to the Mountain
24:50 – The Transformation She Hopes For

Connect with Us

Don’t forget to subscribe to Her Unshakeable Confidence for more empowering stories and actionable insights. Leave us a review, share your favorite moments, and tag us on social media!

Take our new QUIZ and discover what’s really holding you back and how to break free.

Get Free AUDIOBOOK

Order Simone’s New Book

REAL Confidence A Simple Guide to Go from Unsure to Unshakeable

Order Simone’s The Extraordinary UnOrdinary You Book

Connect with Simone Knego:

Connect with Olivia Knego:

Instagram: @oliviaknego
LinkedIn: oliviaknego

Looking for more?

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Check out our inspirational mugs, shirts, and more at The Unshakeable Studio. These items are filled with gratitude and designed to inspire personal transformation in one’s life.

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Do You Really Think You’ll Make It to the Top?

Simone Knego — Mon, 28 Sep 2026 05:41:03 +0000

More than ten years ago, I decided to climb Mount Kilimanjaro.

I was a stay-at-home mom of six. I had no hiking experience. And once I started telling people about it, I kept hearing the same question.

“Do you really think you’re going to make it to the top?”

My answer?

“No. I think I’m going to make it halfway.”

People laughed. A few looked relieved, like I’d finally come to my senses.

Honestly, I was just being funny. I didn’t have a comeback prepared and I wasn’t about to debate anyone, I also wasn’t going to let their doubt climb that mountain with me.

I made it to the top.

Why do other people’s doubts feel so loud?

That wasn’t the first time someone questioned a big decision of mine, and it wasn’t the last.

When we decided to adopt our daughter Mili from Ethiopia, the question just changed shape.

“Do you really think you should have six kids?”

Here’s what I’ve learned from both of those moments. Questions like these usually sound like concern. Sometimes they are. More often, they tell you about the other person’s comfort zone. They’re measuring your mountain against their own legs.

Mili came home at two years old. Years later, her oldest brother helped me move her into American University. I think about that question every time I look at our family.

Our brains are wired to pay extra attention to anything that feels like a threat, and doubt from someone we care about can feel like one. One skeptical comment can stay with us longer than ten encouraging ones. That’s why it matters so much what we let in.

What does this look like at work?

You don’t need to climb a mountain to run into this. It shows up in conference rooms every single day.

“We tried that in 2019.”

“That’s not how we do things here.”

“Are you sure you’re ready for that role?”

Each comment seems small. Over time, they add up. People stop raising ideas. They stop volunteering for stretch assignments. They start shrinking their goals before anyone else has the chance to.

That’s how potential quietly stays potential. And for HR and L&D leaders, that’s a real cost. You can invest in development programs, leadership pipelines, and training, and still lose ground if the culture teaches people to wait for permission to believe in themselves.

How do you keep other people’s opinions from bringing you down?

This is where the REAL Method® comes in, especially two parts of it: Respect Yourself and Ask Yourself What You Want.

Here’s how I put it into practice.

1. Consider the source.
Before you absorb someone’s opinion, ask yourself: has this person done what I’m trying to do? Do they know what I’m capable of? Feedback from someone who’s been there deserves your attention. Doubt from someone who’s never tried deserves a polite smile.

2. Keep the useful part and leave the rest.
Some concern carries real information. “Pack warmer layers than you think you need” is advice worth taking. “Do you really think you can do this?” gives you nothing to work with. Take the first kind with you and let the second kind go.

3. Get clear on what you want.
When you know exactly why you’re doing something, other people’s opinions have much less room to move you. I knew why I wanted to climb. I knew why we wanted to grow our family. That clarity was my anchor.

4. You don’t owe anyone a debate.
When someone questions your big goal, you don’t have to defend it, prove it, or win them over. A little humor works just fine. I laughed off “Do you really think you’ll make it?” and saved my energy for the climb. Your energy is limited, so spend it on the goal.

5. Choose your climbing team carefully.
On the mountain, the people around you affect your pace, your mood, and your belief that you’ll make it. The same is true at work and at home. Spend more time with the people who ask “How can I help?” and less time with the ones who ask “Are you sure?”

What can leaders do to protect their team’s confidence?

If you lead people, you have a lot of influence over which voices get the loudest.

Notice who shuts ideas down in meetings, and how often. Try swapping “Will that work?” for “What would it take to make that work?” Celebrate progress along the way, because that’s where people decide whether to keep climbing. And when someone on your team shares a big goal, be the person who helps them pack for the trip.

Confident teams take smart risks, speak up sooner, and bounce back faster. That’s what it looks like to Turn Potential Into Performance.

So, what’s your Kilimanjaro?

Somebody in your life has probably already asked you some version of “Do you really think you can do that?”

You don’t have to argue with them, you don’t even have to convince them, you just have to keep walking.

And if anyone asks whether you’ll make it to the top, feel free to tell them halfway. Then go prove yourself wrong.

How do I stop letting other people’s opinions affect me?

Start by considering the source, keep any feedback that’s genuinely useful, and get clear on what you want. The clearer your goal, the less room other people’s doubts have to move you.

Why do negative comments stick with us more than positive ones?

Our brains give extra weight to anything that feels like a threat. That’s why a single doubtful comment can linger long after a compliment fades.

How can HR and L&D leaders build confidence across a team?

Pay attention to how ideas get received in meetings, reframe doubt into problem solving questions, and celebrate progress along the way.

Want to bring this conversation to your team? Learn more about my keynotes at simoneknego.com/speaking, pick up REAL Confidence, or listen to more stories like this one on Her Unshakeable Confidence, the podcast I co-host with my daughter Olivia.

The post Do You Really Think You’ll Make It to the Top? appeared first on Simone Knego.

Real Confidence, Live: Surviving Failure, Letting Go of Regret, and Finding Your People

Simone Knego — Tue, 22 Sep 2026 05:03:12 +0000

What does it really take to keep going when life knocks you off track? Recorded live in front of an audience, this episode of Her Unshakeable Confidence has Olivia putting Simone in the hot seat about REAL Confidence, from losing everything flipping houses to the grandmother whose resilience broke barriers in medicine.

Together they share the family rule of feeling your feelings and then moving forward, the Starbucks drive-thru moment when Mili told Simone to reread her own book, and Olivia’s openness about living with Crohn’s. It’s a warm, funny, honest reminder that failing doesn’t make you a failure, and the people who are your people will accept you exactly as you are.

Actionable Takeaways

Treat failure as a learning process and ask, “What did I learn?”
Say yes to the things that scare you, because you won’t grow if you don’t try.
Remember that “no” is a full sentence.
Give yourself a set time to feel your emotions, then choose to move forward.
Let go of “what will other people think?” They’re busy with their own lives.
Share what you’re struggling with. Saying it out loud can open doors and help others.
Surround yourself with people who accept you exactly as you are.

Chapters

00:00 – Welcome and Going Live With Friends in the Room
01:57 – From a Book About Labels to REAL Confidence
03:39 – Failing Without Becoming a Failure
05:27 – Saying Yes When You Want to Say No
07:20 – Mili’s Reaction to the First Book
09:09 – Grandma’s Story of Resilience
12:36 – Embarrassing Moments and Living Without Regrets
14:53 – The Starbucks Drive-Thru Lesson
17:35 – How to Get Back on Track When You’re Derailed
20:34 – Nature vs. Nurture in a Family of Six Kids
26:01 – Do-Overs and the “What If” Trap
29:20 – Living Openly With Crohn’s and Finding Your People

Connect with Us

Don’t forget to subscribe to Her Unshakeable Confidence for more empowering stories and actionable insights. Leave us a review, share your favorite moments, and tag us on social media!

Take our new QUIZ and discover what’s really holding you back and how to break free.

Get Free AUDIOBOOK

Order Simone’s New Book

REAL Confidence A Simple Guide to Go from Unsure to Unshakeable

Order Simone’s The Extraordinary UnOrdinary You Book

Connect with Simone Knego:

Connect with Olivia Knego:

Instagram: @oliviaknego
LinkedIn: oliviaknego

Looking for more?

Visit Our Etsy Shop: theunshakeablestudio

Check out our inspirational mugs, shirts, and more at The Unshakeable Studio. These items are filled with gratitude and designed to inspire personal transformation in one’s life.

Listen to Episode on:

The post Real Confidence, Live: Surviving Failure, Letting Go of Regret, and Finding Your People appeared first on Simone Knego.

Why We’ve Stopped Making Eye Contact (And What It’s Costing Us)

Simone Knego — Mon, 21 Sep 2026 15:09:25 +0000

I was signing books at Barnes & Noble in Tampa last week, and something struck me. People would walk right past my table, eyes down, moving fast, like making eye contact might cost them something. A few even did that thing where they angle their whole body away, just in case I might say hello.

At first I thought, okay, maybe they think I’m going to sell them something. And sure, some of that is probably true. We’ve all gotten defensive around anyone standing behind a table with a stack of books and a smile. But the more I sat with it, the more I realized this isn’t really about book signings at all. It’s about something bigger that’s happening to all of us.

We’ve stopped looking at each other.

TL;DR: People increasingly avoid eye contact and small talk with strangers, not because they dislike connection, but because they consistently overestimate the risk of rejection and underestimate how much they and the other person will enjoy the interaction. Research from the University of Chicago backs this up. Simple habits like making eye contact, saying hi, giving a genuine compliment, and asking one real question can reverse the pattern.

What I Noticed

It wasn’t just the avoided eye contact. It was the absence of small things that used to be automatic:

A simple “hi” as someone walks by
A compliment tossed out just because
A moment of small talk with a stranger
Genuine curiosity about the person next to you

I started paying attention a few days later on my flight home from Scotland. An entire row of people sat shoulder to shoulder for hours without a single word passed between them. Everyone had headphones in, eyes on a screen, present in body only. And I get it. I’ve done the same thing. But it made me wonder: when did we decide that connection with strangers wasn’t worth the risk?

Why This Is Happening

I don’t have a perfect answer, but here’s what I think is going on, and it turns out there’s real psychology behind it too.

We’re protecting our energy in a world that already asks too much of it. After a full day of notifications, meetings, and decisions, a stranger’s small talk can feel like one more demand on a tank that’s already empty.

We’ve been trained to expect an angle. Somewhere along the way, a lot of us learned that when someone approaches us with a smile, they usually want something. A sale, a signature, a follow. So we’ve built a reflex to protect ourselves from it, even when nothing is actually being asked of us.

Screens gave us permission to disappear. A phone in hand is the modern version of crossing your arms. It signals “I’m not available” without anyone having to say it out loud.

We’re wired to expect rejection that almost never comes. A meta-analysis of over 2,300 people by psychologists Gillian Sandstrom and Erica Boothby found people consistently underestimate how much they would enjoy talking to a stranger, how interested a stranger would be in talking to them, and how much a stranger would end up liking them. A separate University of Chicago study found commuters who talked to a stranger on their train ride had a more positive experience than they expected, and were almost never rejected. In other words, the awkward, unwanted conversation we’re all bracing for almost never actually happens. We’re avoiding a risk that exists mostly in our own heads.

None of this means people don’t want connection. It means we’ve gotten remarkably good at predicting rejection that isn’t actually coming, and that fear is enough to keep us looking down.

What We’re Actually Losing

Here’s the part that stays with me. Every person we don’t look at, don’t greet, don’t ask a question of, is a door we never open. And you genuinely never know what’s behind that door.

The stranger next to you on a plane might be a client you’d never have met, or the biggest cheerleader you’ve never had, or someone who says exactly the thing you needed to hear that day. The person browsing the shelf next to you at a bookstore might become a friend, a collaborator, or just a five-minute conversation that reminds you people are actually pretty wonderful when you give them a chance.

We’re not just losing small talk. We’re losing possibility.

How to Do This Differently

You don’t need a personality transplant to change this. You need a few small, repeatable habits.

Look up first. Before you reach for your phone or glance away, try just looking at the person in front of you. Eye contact is free, and it’s the first sign of “I see you.”

Say hi, even if you don’t have to. At the checkout counter. In the elevator. Next to you at the gate. A simple hello costs nothing and often gets one back.

Give the compliment. If you notice something, say it. Great shoes, great energy, great laugh. You don’t need a reason. A genuine compliment can be the best part of someone’s day, including yours.

Ask one real question. “What brought you here today?” “Where are you headed?” “How’s your day going, really?” People light up when someone shows real curiosity about them.

Stay curious instead of guarded. Not everyone who approaches you wants something from you. Most people just want to be seen. Give them the benefit of the doubt before you give them the cold shoulder.

The Real Shift

This isn’t about becoming an extrovert or talking to everyone everywhere all the time. It’s about remembering that the people around you, in line, on a plane, at a bookstore, are not obstacles to get through. They’re opportunities to learn something, feel something, or make someone’s day a little better.

That day in Tampa taught me something I wasn’t expecting to learn. The people who walked past without looking up weren’t rude. They were protecting themselves from something that probably wasn’t even a threat. And I think a lot of us are doing exactly the same thing, walking through our days a little too guarded to let anyone in.

So here’s my challenge, to you and to me. Look up. Say hi. Give the compliment. Ask the question. You never know what you’ll learn, who you’ll meet, or what one small moment of connection might turn into.

Why do people avoid eye contact with strangers?

Most people aren’t avoiding eye contact because they dislike others. They’re protecting their energy, reacting to a learned wariness of being sold something, and unconsciously predicting a rejection that almost never actually happens.

Is it true that people underestimate how much they’ll enjoy talking to strangers?

Yes. Research from the University of Chicago found that people consistently underestimate how much they’ll enjoy a conversation with a stranger, how interested that stranger will be in them, and how much the stranger will end up liking them.

How can I get better at talking to strangers?

Start small. Make eye contact before looking away, offer a simple hello, give a genuine compliment when something stands out, and ask one real question instead of sticking to surface-level small talk.

Why does eye contact matter in everyday interactions?

Eye contact is the simplest signal that you see another person. It’s often the first step toward connection, and skipping it, even unintentionally, can make interactions feel colder than either person intends.

The post Why We’ve Stopped Making Eye Contact (And What It’s Costing Us) appeared first on Simone Knego.

From Exploding Eggs to Audiobooks: A Mother-Daughter Take on Life’s Small Struggles

Simone Knego — Tue, 15 Sep 2026 03:50:03 +0000

Ever think something will be easy, only to find out it’s way harder than you expected?

In this lighthearted episode of Her Unshakeable Confidence, Simone and Olivia Knego swap stories about the everyday tasks that turned out to be surprisingly difficult, from boiling eggs and stripping furniture to recording an audiobook and battling laundry stains.

Along the way, they talk about laughing at yourself, learning through trial and error, and giving yourself grace when things take longer than planned.

Actionable Takeaways

Give yourself grace when tasks take longer than expected.
Laugh at your mistakes instead of letting them frustrate you.
Trial and error is part of learning any new skill.
Small annoyances don’t have to define your whole day.
Complain a little if you need to, then move on.
Celebrate finishing something, even when it wasn’t perfect.

Chapters

00:01 – Introduction

00:23 – Boiling Eggs and Kitchen Mishaps

02:25 – The DIY Furniture Stripping Disaster

03:43 – Recording an Audiobook: Harder Than It Looks

06:51 – The Unexpected Art of Laundry

09:45 – Bed Making, Duvet Covers, and Instagram vs Reality

10:59 – Cast Iron Pans and Kitchen Knives

12:47 – Hydro Flasks, Straw Cleaners, and Gross Discoveries

14:10 – Mold, Washing Machines, and Sink Drains

16:45 – Giving Yourself Grace

Connect with Us

Don’t forget to subscribe to Her Unshakeable Confidence for more empowering stories and actionable insights. Leave us a review, share your favorite moments, and tag us on social media!

Take our new QUIZ and discover what’s really holding you back and how to break free.

Get Free AUDIOBOOK

Order Simone’s New Book

REAL Confidence A Simple Guide to Go from Unsure to Unshakeable

Order Simone’s The Extraordinary UnOrdinary You Book

Connect with Simone Knego:

Connect with Olivia Knego:

Instagram: @oliviaknego
LinkedIn: oliviaknego

Looking for more?

Visit Our Etsy Shop: theunshakeablestudio

Check out our inspirational mugs, shirts, and more at The Unshakeable Studio. These items are filled with gratitude and designed to inspire personal transformation in one’s life.

Listen to Episode on:

The post From Exploding Eggs to Audiobooks: A Mother-Daughter Take on Life’s Small Struggles appeared first on Simone Knego.

You Don’t Have to Feel Ready to Take the Risk

Simone Knego — Mon, 14 Sep 2026 03:54:15 +0000

I’m writing this from Scotland, where I’ve spent the past two days helping my daughter Emma move into her new flat. Today, she starts a new job at Falkland Palace, where she’ll spend the next year working in art conservation.

Her path here wasn’t a straight line. And that’s exactly the point.

From Pre-Med to Art Conservation

Two years ago, Emma took a risk and moved to Wales to pursue a master’s degree. Her original plan had been medicine. She’d triple majored in biology, psychology, and neuroscience to get there, years of coursework built around one goal. She’d spent her college years in labs and lecture halls, building toward a future in medicine that made sense on paper and looked impressive on any resume.

But somewhere along the way, she realized medicine wasn’t her calling. Art was.

That’s not a small thing to admit after years of coursework across three demanding fields pointed you in one direction. It would have been easier to finish the path she’d already invested so much in. Most people, once they’ve put in that much work, keep going simply because stopping feels like waste. Emma didn’t. She looked honestly at what she wanted and made a different choice, even though it meant starting over in a field she hadn’t trained for.

She applied to the master’s program in art conservation at Cardiff University. She got in. This past week, in Wales, she finished it.

A New Country, A New Chapter

Now she’s in Scotland, a country where she doesn’t know a single person, starting an entirely new chapter. She had two days off between finishing her program in Wales and starting her new job here. Two days to pack up one life and step into the next.

I’ve watched her do this before, and I still find it remarkable how calmly she handles the in-between moments, the ones with no certainty attached. There’s no roadmap for moving to a country where you don’t speak the local shorthand yet, don’t know which grocery store has what you need, and don’t have a single friend to call if something goes wrong. She’s building that from scratch, starting today.

Even the everyday logistics look completely different here than they would back home. Her commute to Falkland Palace is an hour each way by bus. Getting a car isn’t really an option either, since a UK driver’s license isn’t something you can just walk in and get. So she’ll be walking to the grocery store and the pharmacy, and relying on buses and trains to get to nearby cities when she wants to explore. It’s a smaller, slower kind of life than what she’s used to, and she’s stepping into it without hesitation.

Today she begins a yearlong role at Falkland Palace, working in art conservation, the field she chose for herself after realizing medicine wasn’t it.

Is It Worth the Risk?

Was this an easy move? No.

Is it worth the risk? Absolutely.

Will there be hard days? Absolutely.

Building confidence isn’t about avoiding hard days. It’s about being willing to walk into them anyway. This is the heart of my REAL Method®: real confidence gets built by embracing the failures and uncertainty along the way, not by waiting until everything feels safe.

I won’t pretend this is easy for her. Emma is stressed. She’s anxious. Moving to a new country, starting a job she’s never done, and doing it all without a single familiar face nearby is a lot to carry at once. But she’s showing up anyway, stress and anxiety along for the ride. That’s what confidence actually looks like.

Think about the last time you did something before you felt ready for it. Maybe it was a new job, a hard conversation, a move of your own. Chances are you didn’t feel prepared going in. You figured it out by doing it. That’s the same thing Emma is doing right now. Readiness isn’t something you wait to feel. It’s something you build by moving.

Emma’s version of that is a career change and a move across an ocean. Yours might look completely different. The principle stays the same.

The Confidence to Change Course

When I look back at who Emma was a few years ago, I see someone who was unsure of what she wanted and afraid of the future. When I look at her today, I see a woman who’s figuring it out as she goes, one bold decision at a time. She’s willing to take risks because that’s where the biggest growth happens.

We never know exactly where our decisions will take us. But if we sit still and never try, nothing happens at all.

What strikes me most is that Emma didn’t wait for permission or certainty before she moved. She didn’t need every detail figured out. She trusted that the next step would become clear once she took the current one, and that trust is what real confidence actually looks like in practice. It rarely looks like fearlessness. It looks like moving forward anyway.

The Takeaway

So if you’re standing at the edge of a decision right now, wondering if you should take the risk: the answer is yes. You never know where it’s going to take you until you try.

If stories like this one resonate with you, you can hear more conversations about building real confidence on Her Unshakeable Confidence, the podcast I co-host with my daughter Olivia.

The post You Don’t Have to Feel Ready to Take the Risk appeared first on Simone Knego.

Courage Before Confidence: Stephanie Richardson on Jumping First and Building Your Wings on the Way Down

Simone Knego — Tue, 08 Sep 2026 11:28:17 +0000

What if courage has to come before confidence, not after?

In this episode of Her Unshakeable Confidence, Simone and Olivia sit down with Stephanie Richardson, a public speaking and executive coach, certified world class speaking coach, and international best-selling author of The Power of Coaching, Volume 2. A former licensed professional counselor with a master’s in psychology, Stephanie brings a rare mix of clinical training and real world grit to the conversation, sharing why comfort keeps more people stuck than fear does, how to take your next best step instead of waiting to see the whole staircase, and why reframing a negative thought with real evidence can change the story you tell yourself.

Actionable Takeaways

Start Small: Take small, low-stakes risks. Confidence comes from reps, not from waiting until you feel ready.

Find Your Next Best Step: You don’t need the whole staircase mapped out. Just identify the one next step you’re willing to take.

Jump and Build Your Wings on the Way Down: You can learn as you go. Waiting to know everything before you move only keeps you stuck.

Surround Yourself with People Moving Forward: The people around you shape what feels normal. Seek out relationships that push you, not just ones that feel comfortable.

Catch and Reframe the Story: When a negative thought shows up, name it, flip it to the opposite, and back it up with real evidence.

Chapters

00:00 – Introduction

01:19 – How Stephanie’s Coaching Business Began

02:33 – Counseling vs Coaching: The Rearview Mirror and the Windshield

06:35 – Coaching vs Therapy: How to Know When It’s Time for a Change

12:48 – Small Risks and Finding Your Next Best Step

17:10 – Surrounding Yourself with the Right People

22:22 – Catching and Reframing Negative Thoughts

24:36 – Understanding DISC and Communication Styles

28:10 – The Best Advice from a Woman in Her Life

29:24 – Closing Thoughts and Where to Find Stephanie

About Stephanie Richardson

Stephanie Richardson is a public speaking and executive coach, a certified world class speaking coach, and international best-selling author of The Power of Coaching, Volume 2. She holds a master’s in psychology and spent years as a licensed professional counselor before moving into coaching and speaking.

While building her clinical career, Stephanie was also a single mom growing a direct sales organization that has since grown to nearly sixteen hundred members. She works with people who feel anxious about public speaking as well as business owners and executives who need help shaping a clear, engaging message, whether for a webinar, sales presentation, board meeting, or keynote.

Stephanie is also a certified DISC consultant and a John Maxwell certified coach, using both tools to help individuals, couples, and companies communicate more effectively.

Connect with Stephanie Richardson:

Website: stephanierichardsonuyp.com

Instagram: @coachstephanierichardson

LinkedIn: Stephanie Richardson

Book: The Power of Coaching, Volume 2

Connect with Us

Don’t forget to subscribe to Her Unshakeable Confidence for more empowering stories and actionable insights. Leave us a review, share your favorite moments, and tag us on social media!

Take our new QUIZ and discover what’s really holding you back and how to break free.

Get Free AUDIOBOOK

Order Simone’s New Book

REAL Confidence A Simple Guide to Go from Unsure to Unshakeable

Order Simone’s The Extraordinary UnOrdinary You Book

Connect with Simone Knego:

Connect with Olivia Knego:

Instagram: @oliviaknego
LinkedIn: oliviaknego

Looking for more?

Visit Our Etsy Shop: theunshakeablestudio

Check out our inspirational mugs, shirts, and more at The Unshakeable Studio. These items are filled with gratitude and designed to inspire personal transformation in one’s life.

Listen to Episode on:

The post Courage Before Confidence: Stephanie Richardson on Jumping First and Building Your Wings on the Way Down appeared first on Simone Knego.