Nobody likes to fail. Let’s just say that upfront. Whether it’s tripping over your shoelace in front of a crowd, bombing a presentation you practiced for weeks, or realizing the big idea you stayed up all night working on is not actually that brilliant, it never feels good.
But here’s the thing: somewhere between learning to walk and signing yearbooks, failure shows up. Again and again. And if you are paying attention, it has more to teach you than any polished graduation speech or inspirational Instagram quote.
I wish we grew up being told that. Instead, most of us learned to treat failure like a scarlet letter. Do whatever you can to avoid it. Hide it when it happens. Pretend it never existed.
But the truth? The most successful, resilient, and impactful people didn’t get there by avoiding failure. They got there by falling flat, standing back up, and figuring out what the stumble had to offer.
Everyone Fails (Yes, Even Them)
When we look at people we admire, it’s easy to only see the highlight reel. The gold medals, the book deals, the promotions, the perfect-looking social media feeds. What we don’t see are the dozens or hundreds of missteps it took to get there.
Take Oprah Winfrey. Today, she’s one of the most influential women in the world. But early in her career, she was fired from her job as a television news anchor because she was considered “unfit for TV.” Imagine if she had taken that as the final word. Instead, she leaned into her gift for connecting with people, and the rest is history.
Or Steven Spielberg. He applied to film school at USC and was rejected. Not once, but twice. Instead of giving up, he carved his own path into Hollywood and went on to direct some of the most iconic films ever made.
And then there’s Sara Blakely, the founder of Spanx. She failed the LSAT twice and was turned down for countless jobs she applied to. Eventually, she sold fax machines door to door, hardly a glamorous gig. But she never stopped thinking creatively, and one day she cut the feet out of her pantyhose, creating a product that launched her billion-dollar company.
The pattern is impossible to ignore: failure is baked into success. It is part of the recipe.
So why do we spend so much energy trying to avoid it?
What If Failure Isn’t the End?
Here’s where the shift happens. Most of us see failure as the end of the road. But what if it’s actually the beginning of something else?
Think about learning to walk. Every single toddler falls, sometimes hard, sometimes over and over again. But nobody looks at that child and says, “Well, I guess walking just isn’t for you.” Falling is part of the process. And those wobbly steps, even the ones that end flat on the floor, are proof you are moving forward.
Life works the same way. A failed relationship might reveal what you truly need and deserve. A failed idea might spark a better one that never would have surfaced otherwise. Even moments that feel like dead ends often turn out to be detours, pointing us somewhere we never would have gone on our own.
Failure isn’t the end. It’s a doorway. And sometimes, the stumble that feels most painful is the exact moment that sets you up for something greater.
Six Ways to Rethink Failure
If failure is inevitable, and it is, then the real question becomes: how do we use it instead of fear it? Here are six shifts that have helped me and can help you.
1. Failure is feedback, not a final verdict.
Instead of labeling it as proof that you are not good enough, treat failure like a teacher. It’s information, it’s data. It’s life saying, “Try another way.”
2. Trade certainty for possibility.
We cling to what’s safe because it feels secure. But growth never comes from the comfort zone. Every invention, every breakthrough, every meaningful change started with someone asking, “What if?” Failure is the risk you take for the chance at something bigger.
3. Call it what it is: practice.
Edison didn’t fail thousands of times. He practiced thousands of times. The same is true for athletes, writers, business owners, parents. Every attempt teaches you something, even if it’s not the outcome you wanted.
4. Don’t fear mistakes, fear regret.
Michael Jordan, one of the greatest basketball players of all time, missed more than 9,000 shots in his career and lost nearly 300 games. He is famous for saying, “I’ve failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed.” Regret doesn’t come from the shots you take and miss. It comes from the ones you never attempt.
5. Look for the gift inside the grief.
It’s okay to be disappointed when you fail. Feel it. Cry about it if you need to. But then ask: what gift did this experience bring me? What did I learn about myself? How did it make me stronger or clearer?
6. Ask, “What’s the worst that could happen?”
When fear keeps you frozen, play out the worst-case scenario. Nine times out of ten, you’ll realize it’s survivable. And sometimes, naming the worst makes it lose its power.
Why We Love Comeback Stories
Here’s the funny thing: perfection doesn’t inspire us. Comeback stories do.
When you think of the athletes, leaders, or creators you admire most, chances are it’s not because they never failed. It’s because they did, and they came back stronger. We love the underdog, the last-second win, the person who refused to quit no matter how many times they got knocked down.
Because deep down, we want to see ourselves in that story. We want to know that even if we fail, and we will, it’s not the end. That we can still rise, still fight, still find a way.
Failure Isn’t the Opposite of Success
We’ve been taught to think failure is on one end of the spectrum and success is on the other. But they’re not opposites. They’re teammates. You don’t get one without the other.
Failure is the training ground. It’s the feedback loop. It’s the redirection that gets you closer to where you’re meant to be. And while it may never feel good in the moment, I promise you this: the very thing you are most embarrassed by right now might be the exact story you’ll tell later about how you made it through.
So next time you fall flat, don’t rush to hide it. Don’t shove it into the dark. Look it in the eye and ask: what can this teach me? What’s the next step?
Because success isn’t about never falling. It’s about getting up, again and again, with a little more grit and a little more wisdom than you had before.
And one day, someone else will look at your highlight reel and forget about all the missteps along the way. But you’ll know the truth. The stumbles are what made the story worth telling.
