There are nights when the couch feels like the best option in the world. Blanket. A glass of wine. Netflix. Zero effort. Moments like these challenge my confidence in connection with others. That was me not too long ago. A friend had invited a few couples over to her house, and I had said yes, but when the time came, the last thing I wanted to do was get off that couch.
You know that little back-and-forth that happens in your head? “Do I really need to go? They’ll be fine without me. I’ll catch them next time.” My brain was working overtime, coming up with excuses to stay home.
But here’s what happened. I dragged myself up anyway. I had committed, and deep down I knew it wasn’t just about keeping my word to them. It was about keeping it to myself.
And wouldn’t you know it? I had the best time.
The Power of Just Showing Up
From the second I walked in and saw my friends’ smiles, everything shifted. We laughed. We shared stories. We caught up on life. And I left feeling lighter and happier than when I arrived.
If I had stayed home, I would have missed it. I would have missed that reminder that connection really does fill us up in ways the couch never can.
And I think we’ve all been there, tempted to stay in, convinced we’ll feel better if we just rest. But so often, what we actually need is the exact opposite. We need to get out of our heads and into community.
Why Connection Matters for Confidence
I used to think confidence came from big, impressive moments like standing on a stage, crossing a finish line, or publishing a book. But honestly? Some of the most powerful confidence comes from the small, everyday choices.
When we isolate, we give our inner critic free rein. Those little voices telling us we’re not enough, we don’t belong, or no one will notice if we stay home get louder when we’re alone.
But when we show up, we get proof that those voices are lying. We see people light up when we walk in. We hear “I’m so glad you came.” We laugh until our cheeks hurt. And suddenly we remember: oh right, I belong. I’m part of something bigger than myself.
Confidence builds in those moments. Not because we did something huge, but because we kept a promise to ourselves, chose connection, and realized we’re not alone.
Community Is the Mirror
One of my favorite things about gathering with women is how quickly we reflect each other’s worth back. Someone shares a win she downplayed in her own mind, and the group cheers like it’s the best news of the year. Someone admits a struggle she thought was “too heavy,” and instead of judgment, she’s met with nods and encouragement.
That’s what happens in community. We see ourselves more clearly because others mirror our value back to us. Alone, it’s easy to forget. Together, it’s harder to miss.
That night with my friends wasn’t just “hanging out.” It was a reminder that connection is fuel. It’s joy. And honestly, it’s confidence.
Showing Up As Yourself
Not all connection happens when we’re comfortable. Sometimes it shows up in the exact opposite way.
A while back, I was invited to an event by the fanciest person I know. I’m not fancy. I’m a jeans and t-shirt kind of person, and that’s exactly what I wore. When I walked in, everyone else was in beautiful dresses and heels. For a split second, I thought about turning around and leaving.
It took me a minute to get in the door. My brain was busy telling me all kinds of stories: You don’t belong here. You should’ve tried harder. Everyone’s looking at you. That’s when I used my Ctrl-Alt-Delete. I stopped the noise, reset my perspective, and reminded myself that I get to show up exactly as I am.
So I did. And you know what? No one cared about my jeans. What they cared about was connection. I met incredible women that night, women I’m still friends with today.
That experience reminded me that confidence isn’t about blending in. It’s about walking in as yourself and trusting that the right people will see you for who you are.
Everyday Confidence Counts
The truth is, confidence isn’t only built on the mountain-top moments. It’s built in the daily ones.
- Getting up when you’d rather stay put.
- Following through when canceling would be easier.
- Choosing connection even when you don’t feel like it.
Every small choice like that stacks up. It builds trust in yourself. And the more you trust yourself, the more confident you become.
That night, the win wasn’t just that I had fun. It was that I proved to myself, again, that I could follow through. That I could get past the resistance. That I could show up and be glad I did.
And at that fancy event? The win wasn’t about the outfit. It was about showing up as myself and realizing that connection has nothing to do with fitting in. It has everything to do with being real.
A Gentle Nudge
Here’s the thing. The couch will always be there. Netflix isn’t going anywhere. And events where people are dressed fancier than you will keep happening. But the chance to connect? That moment is once and done. If you don’t show up, you miss it.
So the next time you feel that tug-of-war between staying home and connecting, or between hiding and showing up as yourself, remember this. Sometimes the most confident choice isn’t the one that looks the strongest or most impressive. It’s simply the choice to show up.
Not perfect. Not polished. Just present.
And more often than not, that’s exactly what we need.
Try This
Think about one invitation you’ve recently said no to, or one gathering you’ve been on the fence about. Maybe it’s coffee with a friend, a book club, or even just saying yes to a walk with a neighbor. This week, choose to show up.
It doesn’t have to be perfect. You don’t need the “right” outfit or the “right” words. Just go. Notice how you feel when you arrive, and notice how you feel when you leave. My guess? You’ll leave lighter, more connected, and with a little more confidence than when you walked in.
