We’ve talked about the power of being real. We’ve explored how failure can shape us instead of stop us. Now we’re moving into the third part of the REAL Method: Ask Yourself What You Want.

Sounds simple, right?

But for so many of us, this question is surprisingly difficult to answer.

Because when life gets busy—when you’re managing work, family, responsibilities, expectations—it’s easy to lose sight of your own desires. It’s easy to focus on what everyone else needs from you and forget to check in with what you actually want.

But here’s the truth: You can’t chase what you want until you know what you want. And you can’t live with confidence if you’re living out someone else’s idea of a meaningful life.

Why This Question Feels So Hard

We live in a world full of noise. Messages telling you what success should look like. What happiness is supposed to be. What you should want.

Get the job. Buy the house. Raise the kids. Stay productive. Be grateful. Don’t ask for too much. Don’t rock the boat.

No wonder we struggle to answer the question.

We’ve been conditioned to believe that our desires must fit inside a box—that they must be logical, selfless, or universally approved. Even when we do know what we want, we second-guess it: “Is that realistic?” “Does that make me selfish?” “What will people think?”

But asking yourself what you want isn’t selfish. It’s self-aware. It’s an act of respect. And it’s the only way to live with intention instead of on autopilot.

And here’s something we don’t talk about enough: when we ignore what we want long enough, we start to forget how to even ask. We become so good at prioritizing everyone else that we forget how to prioritize ourselves. That disconnection can quietly wear away at our confidence, our fulfillment, and our sense of identity.

The Danger of Autopilot Living

Have you ever looked up from your life and thought, How did I get here?

Maybe you followed the plan. You checked the boxes. You did what was expected. But somewhere along the way, you lost touch with your own voice.

That’s what happens when we don’t ask ourselves what we want. We drift, we people-please, we stay busy, but we feel empty. And the longer we ignore that emptiness, the more disconnected we feel from the life we’re actually living.

Clarity is confidence. And clarity only comes from within.

You can’t borrow it from a book or a podcast or someone else’s five-step plan. You have to sit with yourself, ask the real questions, and be brave enough to listen to the answers.

And it’s not a one-time question. It’s a practice. One that gets clearer over time, not because life gets easier, but because we get better at listening.

Getting Clear: It Starts With Honesty

Start with small, honest questions:

• What lights me up right now?
• Where do I feel most like myself?
• What am I craving more of?
• What have I been ignoring?

This isn’t about blowing up your life overnight. It’s about noticing. Listening. Tuning back into your intuition.

Even if you don’t have the answers right away, the act of asking is powerful. It reconnects you to you. And the more you practice, the clearer it becomes.

You get to change your mind, you get to evolve. You get to want something different today than you did five years ago—or even five months ago.

Sometimes we discover what we want by discovering what we don’t want. That’s still clarity. That’s still progress.

Giving Yourself Permission to Want

One of the biggest barriers to asking ourselves what we want? Shame.

We think:

• “I should be happy with what I have.”
• “It’s too late to change.”
• “People will think I’m selfish.”

But here’s what I believe: Wanting more—more purpose, more creativity, more peace, more adventure—isn’t a betrayal of what you have. It’s a bold declaration that you’re still growing.

And growth is never something to be ashamed of.

Your wants might feel small or quiet. They might feel big and scary. They might not make sense to anyone else. That’s okay.

They don’t have to.

And here’s something else: giving yourself permission to want more doesn’t mean you’re ungrateful. It means you’re honest. You can love your life and still desire change. You can be thankful for what you have and still feel called toward something new.

My Own Moment of Clarity

I remember a time when I realized I’d been chasing goals that no longer felt like mine. Somewhere in the midst of motherhood, career, caregiving, and just trying to keep it all together, I had put my own dreams on a shelf labeled “later.”

But here’s the thing: Later never comes unless you claim it.

So I started small. I gave myself permission to want again.

Writing again. Speaking up. Saying no without guilt. Saying yes without apology.

The more I listened to what I wanted, the more confident I became—not because everything was perfect, but because I was finally living aligned with my truth. I stopped needing permission and started giving it to myself.

And in doing that, I realized something huge: we teach others how to treat us by how we treat ourselves. When we honor our desires, we model a new kind of leadership—one rooted in self-respect and authenticity.

Practical Ways to Tune In to What You Want

Here are a few ways I practice reconnecting with my desires:

1. Create stillness. It’s hard to hear your inner voice when life is loud. Start your day with five minutes of quiet. Breathe. Just be.
2. Journal it out. No editing. No filters. Just ask, “What do I want right now?” and let the words flow.
3. Name the trade-offs. What are you saying “yes” to that’s forcing you to say “no” to yourself?
4. Check your energy. Notice what drains you vs. what fills you. Your body often knows before your brain catches up.
5. Talk it out. Safe, judgment-free conversations with people who truly see you can bring your wants into sharper focus.
6. Revisit often. Your wants aren’t static. Revisit the question regularly. It’s not a one-and-done.
7. Visualize your next chapter. Ask yourself: What would my day look like if I were fully living in alignment with what I want?

Living From the Inside Out

Asking yourself what you want isn’t a luxury. It’s a life skill. A confidence builder. A compass.

When you live from the inside out—when your choices reflect your values, your goals, your heart—you don’t need to perform for approval. You don’t need to prove yourself.

You’re already aligned. You’re already enough.

You don’t have to have it all figured out. You just have to start asking.

And the more you ask, the more you’ll trust yourself to answer.

Because deep down, you already know.