You’ve probably heard it. You may have even said it. I know I have.

“Do as I say, not as I do.”

It rolls off the tongue almost like a parental rite of passage.

And on the surface, it sounds like an easy fix. “Hey, I may not be perfect, but just listen to the words, not the actions, okay?”

But deep down, we all know that’s not how it works. In fact, it never really has.

We’re living in a time when what we do speaks louder than ever.

Our actions, our tone, our presence—those are the things people watch.

Our words? They matter, but not if our actions tell a different story.

To truly make an impact, we must lead by example.

The Message Behind Our Actions

As a parent, I’ve caught myself using the phrase more than once with my kids.

Usually when I’m tired, frustrated, or just not at my best.

But every time I say it, something inside me nudges: “That’s not really what you mean, is it?”

Because if we’re being honest, kids—and let’s be real, adults too—don’t follow what we say. They follow what we do.

If we want to inspire positive change, we must lead by example.

It doesn’t matter how many times I tell my children to speak kindly to others if I’m snapping at the grocery clerk.

It doesn’t matter if I tell them to stand tall in who they are if I constantly tear myself down in front of the mirror.

And it certainly doesn’t matter if I tell them to believe in themselves if I’m always doubting my own worth and second-guessing my voice.

People mirror what they see, not what they’re told.

If you want your words to have power, you have to lead by example and show them how it’s done.

The World Is Watching

And it’s not just our kids who notice.

It’s the friend watching how we respond to stress.

It’s the coworker noticing how we handle setbacks.

It’s the stranger at the store watching how we treat people when no one else seems to be looking.

Whether we realize it or not, we’re modeling behavior every single day.

We’re modeling how to handle conflict; how to stand up for others; how to walk with confidence; how to own mistakes; how to show kindness, resilience, self-respect, and empathy.

And here’s the thing: If we really want to make the world a better place, it starts by being better in the little moments.

It means we have to consciously lead by example.

Not perfect. Not flawless. But intentional and genuine.

The Weight of Inconsistency

When what we say doesn’t match what we do, there’s a ripple effect.

Our words start to lose their impact.

Our integrity takes a hit.

And the people around us—especially the ones we care about—start to feel confused.

Maybe even let down.

We say, “Be honest,” but they watch us tell a white lie.

They hear us gossip while we’re telling them, “Be kind.”

We say, “Don’t sweat the small stuff,” but they watch us unravel when things go sideways.

Inconsistency chips away at trust. Not just trust in us, but trust in the values we claim to stand for.

That’s why consistency matters so much.

When we consistently lead by example, our message becomes clear, authentic, and powerful.

What Are You Modeling?

So here’s the challenge I want to put out there—for you, for me, for all of us:

Start noticing.

And start asking yourself: What am I modeling today?

How do I show up when I’m frustrated?

What tone do I use when someone disagrees with me?

Do I act with grace when things don’t go my way?

Do I walk the talk, or do I lean on excuses and fallback phrases?

This isn’t about guilt or shame—it’s about awareness.

It’s about choosing to intentionally lead by example, even when it’s difficult.

It’s about realizing that we don’t have to be perfect to be impactful.

We just have to be real.

Real with our words.

Real with our actions.

And real with the message we’re sending out into the world.

The Power of Modeling Confidence and Compassion

Imagine if more of us started modeling what it means to believe in ourselves.

Not in a showy or self-absorbed way, but in a grounded, quiet confidence that says, “I know my worth—and I see yours, too.”

What if we modeled what it means to try again after failing?

To own up when we’ve made a mistake?

To speak up for someone who’s being left out?

Think of the ripple effect.

The more we lead by example—showing courage, kindness, humility, honesty, and strength—the more we give others permission to do the same.

That’s how real change happens—not in big, sweeping gestures, but in the small, everyday choices we make to be the kind of person we want the world to reflect.

Living What You Believe

At the end of the day, we all want to be heard.

We want to be respected.

We want to make an impact.

But those things don’t come from what we say—they come from what we live.

So let’s drop the “do as I say, not as I do” mindset.

Let’s stop thinking that our actions don’t matter if our words sound good enough.

Because the truth is, if we want to raise confident kids, we need to lead by example and show them what confidence looks like.

If we want kinder communities, we need to show up with kindness.

If we want a world that values compassion, empathy, and courage, we need to live those values—even when it’s hard.

Final Thoughts

The world doesn’t need more perfect people.

It needs more honest ones.

More people willing to lead by example.

More people who say, “You know what? I want to make things better—and I’m willing to show it.”

That doesn’t mean getting it right every time.

But it does mean being intentional with the choices we make.

It means being mindful of the example we’re setting, day after day.

Because we’re always modeling something. Whether we mean to or not.

So let’s make it count.

Let’s lead by example and be the kind of people we hope others will be.

Let’s match our message with our lives—and show the world what “better” can actually look like.