We live in a world that praises strength. We celebrate composure, grit, and perseverance, the ability to keep it together no matter what is happening beneath the surface. But sometimes, I think the world confuses strength with silence.
Maybe you have felt that too. You smile through exhaustion, you say “I’m fine” when your throat tightens around the truth. You convince yourself that other people have it harder, so you shouldn’t complain. But later, when the noise fades, you feel the ache of pretending.
And let’s be honest—most of the time, fine doesn’t mean fine. It means freaked out, insecure, neurotic, and emotional.Yet we say it anyway because it feels safer than being real.
We talk a lot about confidence as if it is something you either have or don’t have, like an accessory you wear on good days. Yet the older I get, the more I realize confidence isn’t loud, and it isn’t flawless. It’s quiet. It’s human. And often, it’s wrapped in moments of vulnerability that no one else sees.
Rethinking What Confidence Really Means
When people think of confidence, they picture someone who walks into a room with certainty, steady voice, good posture, easy smile. But that’s only one expression of it. Real confidence isn’t about knowing you’ll succeed; it’s about trusting that you’ll survive even if you don’t.
Confidence is the belief that you can handle what happens next, not because you’re unshakeable yet, but because you’re learning to be.
It’s easy to confuse confidence with control. We imagine that confident people never doubt themselves, never hesitate, never feel afraid. But confidence isn’t a shield that keeps fear away; it’s the willingness to feel fear and move anyway.
Think about the people who inspire you most. Chances are, they’re not the ones who seem perfect. They’re the ones who tell the truth. The leaders who admit they don’t have all the answers. The friends who say, “Me too.” The parents who tell their kids, “I’m figuring this out alongside you.”
Confidence lives in those honest moments. It’s not something you put on. It’s something you uncover when you stop performing and start showing up as yourself.
Why It’s So Hard to Admit We’re Struggling
If vulnerability builds connection, why do we resist it so fiercely?
Because from the time we’re small, we learn that love and approval often come with conditions. Be polite. Be strong. Don’t cry. Don’t make things uncomfortable. We learn that our struggles make people worry, so we hide them to protect others or to protect ourselves from judgment.
The truth is, most of us were never taught how to be both strong and struggling. We were taught to pick one. And so, we curate our lives to look stable. We share our highlight reels, we downplay the hard days, we think if we can appear confident, maybe we’ll feel that way too.
But hiding our pain doesn’t erase it; it isolates us. The more we pretend, the lonelier we become.
There’s also the fear of being misunderstood. You tell someone you’re struggling, and they rush to fix it, or worse, they minimize it. “You’re fine.” “It could be worse.” “You’re strong, you’ll get through this.” Their intentions may be kind, but the effect is distancing. It reinforces the belief that struggle should be silent, that it doesn’t belong in conversation.
Perfectionism feeds this too. We set impossible standards, convincing ourselves that asking for help means we’ve failed. Especially in professional settings or roles where others depend on us, we fear that honesty will make us look weak or unreliable.
And yet, what actually happens when someone is honest about their struggles? We don’t see weakness. We see courage. When a friend says, “I’m having a hard time,” we don’t lose respect for them. We feel closer to them. We exhale. Because their honesty gives us permission to be human too.
So maybe the real question isn’t “Why is it hard to admit we’re struggling?” Maybe it’s “Why have we made it so hard to be human?”
Learning to Speak Honestly
The first step toward authentic confidence isn’t only believing in yourself. It’s also learning to tell the truth about where you are.
Because real confidence is built at the intersection of belief and honesty. You have to trust that you’re capable of growth, but you also have to be willing to acknowledge when you’re struggling. Pretending to be okay keeps you stuck. Being honest about what’s real gives you somewhere to begin.
Here are a few small ways to start:
1. Start where it feels safe.
Choose one trusted person, someone who listens more than they fix, and practice being a little more honest. You don’t have to share everything. You can start with, “I’ve been struggling lately, and I don’t really know what to do.” Speaking the words out loud takes the weight out of them.
2. Notice your self-talk.
When life gets heavy, what’s the story you tell yourself? “I should be stronger.” “Other people are handling more.” Try catching that narrative and replacing it with compassion. “This is hard, and I’m doing my best.” That one phrase, I’m doing my best, has softened more inner battles than any pep talk ever could.
3. Redefine strength.
Strength isn’t pretending everything’s fine. It’s choosing to be honest in a world that rewards performance. Every time you name what’s real, you reclaim a piece of your power.
4. Build a culture of honesty around you.
If you’re in a leadership role, a family, or a friendship where people look to you for guidance, model imperfection. Say things like, “I don’t have it all figured out either.” You’d be surprised how many people are waiting for someone else to go first.
5. Celebrate emotional courage.
When you or someone else opens up, pause to acknowledge it. You can say, “Thank you for trusting me with that.” We often overlook this moment, but it’s how we make honesty feel safe instead of risky.
Confidence isn’t built in silence. It’s built in these small, honest exchanges, the ones that remind us we don’t have to hide to be worthy.
The Power of Becoming Unshakeable
We spend so much energy trying to be strong that we forget strength isn’t something we show; it’s something we carry. It’s what lets us get back up after falling, and sometimes it’s what lets us admit we can’t do it alone.
So if you’re tired of holding it all together, maybe this is your invitation to loosen your grip. To stop performing perfection and start practicing presence.
Confidence isn’t about never cracking. It’s about trusting that when you do, you’ll rebuild stronger than before. That’s what makes you unshakeable: not the absence of struggle, but the deep belief that you can face whatever comes next and still stand tall.
Because unshakeable confidence isn’t built in the moments when everything’s easy. It’s forged in the moments when we tell the truth about how hard it really is, and choose to keep going anyway.
Ready to Build Your Own Unshakeable Confidence?
If this message resonates with you, my new book REAL Confidence: A Simple Guide to Go from Unsure to Unshakeable dives even deeper into these ideas. It’s filled with stories, science, and simple tools to help you rebuild self-respect, embrace your failures, ask for what you want, and live without limits.
Preorder your copy now before the release on February 17, 2026 at realconfidencebook.com, and start learning what it really means to become unshakeable from the inside out.
