I’ve never really been one for goodbyes—especially when saying goodbye to my adult children who are leaving home for their own adventures.
Still, I know that inevitably my children will leave the nest.
It’s what they are supposed to do, after all. That’s the natural process of raising children.
So, goodbyes are going to happen.
This week, we are saying goodbye to Emma.
After she finished school in Boston, Emma got a job and came home for a time.
She has been home for over a year now. But this week, I will be flying her to Wales to start her journey at Cardiff University.
Emma has been a real pillar in our home for the last year. I’m truly going to miss having her here.
She has helped me with all the things that have come up from day to day. She has kept me sane and encouraged me in my goals.
Most of all, she has been a good friend and just someone I have loved hanging out with on a daily basis.
So, as I think about saying goodbye, there are definitely some strong emotions there.
On occasion, I may have even choked back some tears.
Still, I wanted to make this a positive experience for both of us, so I decided to change my focus.
It’s Not About Focusing on Goodbye.
As we’re packing up and preparing for Emma to leave, I keep telling her that it’s not goodbye.
She’s only going to be there for two years, and she’ll be home for certain breaks.
So, it’s not like I’m not going to see her.
Plus, we’ll still have phone calls and facetime and all the other wonderful things that will keep us connected.
So, rather than focusing on saying goodbye, we’re focusing on all the amazing adventures she is going to have in front of her.
Far too often, when something good ends and we have to say goodbye, we spend so much time focusing on the goodbyes that we forget there is a whole new adventure that lies ahead of us.
Focusing on the goodbye can keep us in the past and stall us from moving forward.
By focusing on all the things we’ve done, all the things we’re going to miss, and all the things we think we’ve lost by leaving, we are also keeping ourselves in a space of loss and grief.
But shifting our mindset by looking forward can make all the difference.
It’s About Focusing on What Lies Ahead.
When we shift our mindset to focus on what lies ahead, it can give us the momentum we need to actually get on the plane and move forward.
When we focus on all the cool things we are going to be able to do and see, it can make leaving home exciting and something to look forward to.
Of course, I’m not just saying these things to Emma to help her feel better. I’m also saying them for my own benefit.
It’s hard to say goodbye. It’s sad. It’s stressful. And it’s all the emotions rolled up into one.
But it’s important to understand that when one chapter of our life ends, another new and exciting chapter begins.
Or, as the old adage says, when one door closes, another one opens.
Rather than looking back and mourning over the closed door, we need to focus on what’s ahead of us and joyfully embrace every moment of it.
It’s really about mindset.
This one simple change in focus can change our moments of sadness, loss, and grief into moments of hope, excitement, and joyful anticipation.
It really is all about how we choose to look at it.
We Can Apply This to All Parts of Our Lives.
Anytime something ends in your life, you get to choose how to walk away from it.
For example, when you lose your job or even quit a job, don’t focus on the job behind you.
It isn’t about why you lost the job or the reasons you quit.
It’s really about getting excited about the wonderful and adventurous things you get to do next.
The world is yours. Everything is rolled out in front of you—so what are you going to do with it?
The same is true with relationships.
Although this may be one of the hardest things to move on from, if we learn to change our focus, it can help us to move forward faster.
Even though I’ve been in the same marriage relationship for over 30 years, sometimes, there are other relationships that I have had to walk away from.
When one relationship ends, instead of staying focused on it and remaining in the past, keep your focus on the future and all the possibilities of what lies ahead of you.
When we learn to stop focusing on what’s behind us and look forward to all the incredible opportunities directly ahead of us, it can really change our perspective for the good.
It’s in those inevitable moments of change that we can renew our hope and step onto the path of a better and brighter future.
Change Is an Inevitable Part of Life.
It’s been said that change is the only constant in life.
We all know that’s true.
I’m the kind of person who, when something changes, likes to keep busy. It keeps my mind off of things and helps me get things done.
My daughter’s the kind of person that when she gets stressed, she shuts down.
So, we’re trying to find a happy medium in this season of change where we can get everything packed up while also taking time to relax.
Of course, this isn’t always easy. But spending the time together is worth the challenge.
My hope for you is that when change comes and a door starts closing, instead of focusing on that door, you focus on the next entryway.
Where are you going, and what are you looking forward to about being there?
What’s the next exciting thing that you are going to do? And how are you going to do it?
Living life joyfully isn’t about staying lost in the past. It’s about getting excited about what the future holds for you and all the wonderful things you get to do next.
So, wish me luck as I take Emma to Wales and say goodbye.
While I’m there, I’m going to say goodbye with a wink and a smile, reminding both of us that she is going to have amazing adventures while she is there.
That is the only way to move forward.
