Have you ever considered that there is power in simply believing in yourself?

In today’s world, I think this is a crucial lesson we need to teach to our children.

It’s definitely something I wish I had known when I was in high school.

My Journey to Believing in Myself

When I was in high school, I was infatuated with John Stamos, aka Uncle Jesse from Full House.

I had his posters in my room and watched every Full House episode like clockwork.

But it was a different John who would enter my world and disrupt my life.

John wasn’t a heartthrob TV actor—he was the quintessential bad boy.

And as his girlfriend of two years, I was in love with him.

At first, John seemed like the nicest guy. But John was also the guy who insisted that I eat salads without dressing because he said I was fat at just 120 pounds.

John also told me to bleach my hair blonde because only blondes could be as stupid as I was.

One time, John literally ripped my favorite green shirt from collar to sleeve because he said he didn’t like the color. 

Let me tell you, he was a real prize.

One day, when I couldn’t reach him, I drove over to his house. As I pulled up, I saw him standing in front of a limo, wearing a tux, taking photos with another girl. 

With tears streaming down my face, I ran to the limo, begging him to stay, but he pushed me aside and left with the other girl.

Heartbroken, I rang his parents’ doorbell and waited on their couch for five hours for John to come home.

Sadly, I believed in the relationship more than I believed in myself, and I kept choosing to stay despite John’s bad behavior.

Maybe it’s because John kept telling me he loved me, and despite his actions, I believed him.

I Believed John More Than I Believed in Myself

Still, two months later, John went out with yet another girl. 

And once again, I waited on his couch until he came home. When he finally did come home, he was drunk—completely wasted.

For some reason, I thought THIS was the perfect time to share my feelings—but it wasn’t. 

John punched me in the face and gave me a black eye, only to apologize the next day and profess his love to me.

And once again, I stayed in that horribly abusive relationship.

Later on, it happened again. 

Only this time, John put his hands around my neck and squeezed until I couldn’t breathe.

He literally threatened to kill me.

But this time, I was so afraid that I feared for my life.

I ran away as fast as I could, and I promised myself that I would never go back.

And I didn’t.

John stalked me for weeks, showing up in places he knew I would be. And one day, he had the guts to actually follow me home.

The minute my dad saw John’s light blue Mustang, he called the police. And he promised me that I would never be hurt by John again.

That moment began my journey of taking back my power.

My experience with John definitely crushed me.

He made me doubt myself for the majority of my life.

But he didn’t destroy me.

Because I refused to let that boy—who became the voice inside my head, the weight on my shoulders, and the killer of my confidence—define my entire future.

Step by step, day by day, I have learned to let go of my self-doubt, take back my power, and simply believe in myself.

Self-Doubt Affects Everyone

For most of us, self-doubt is the number one thing that holds us back, and self-doubt erodes our self-respect.

The more you question your worth, the harder it becomes to honor and value yourself.

Doubting yourself comes in many different ways.

When you allow a person at work to disrespect you, doubt begins to creep in.

If you choose not to ask your boss for a raise out of fear, you are giving into self-doubt.

If you decide not to go to an event because you believe that you wouldn’t fit in, you are letting self-doubt determine your actions.

And the truth is—you are not alone. 

Close to 80% of women struggle with low self-esteem and shy away from self-advocacy at work.

A staggering 67% of women say they need support in building their confidence to feel like they can be a leader. 

Did you know that women only apply for jobs that they believe they meet 100% of the job qualifications? For men, it’s 60%.

Self-doubt prevents each of us from reaching our potential.

It keeps you in that crappy job that you hate. It robs you of true happiness and stops you from finding and embracing true love.

But it doesn’t have to hold you back forever.

I’ve discovered that there’s one main solution to self-doubt that helps you reach your peak performance: Confidence.

And the good news is that confidence is a skill you can learn. 

Confidence is the Key to Believing in Yourself

You may be surprised to know that we’re not born with self-doubt. Think of the mighty two-year-old ruling households everywhere.

Over time, our confidence can be worn down by the environment we’re in, but self-respect starts with rebuilding that confidence.

And the good news is that confidence is a skill you can develop.

So how do you build it?

You build it by keeping the promises that you make to yourself. 

You build it by reframing that voice inside your head.

And you build it by doing the things you think you can’t.

I would love to say that my battle with self-doubt ended the day that my relationship with John did.

But it didn’t.

It continued well into my 40’s.

I didn’t address it because I didn’t understand what I needed to do. 

As the mom of 6 kids, I seemed great on the outside, but I wasn’t so great on the inside.

So, I did what any sane person struggling with self-doubt would do—I decided to climb a mountain.

Because why not add a literal uphill battle to my metaphorical one?

Still, this one courageous choice became a pivotal changing point in my confidence journey.

Climbing Mount Kilimanjaro

Kilimanjaro is the tallest free-standing mountain in the world and the highest peak in Africa, towering at 19,341 feet.

That’s about the height of 14 Empire State Buildings stacked on top of each other.

Even the fittest climbers struggle to reach the summit, and only around 65-70% of those who attempt it actually make it to the top.

Yet I made the promise to climb it for the Livestrong Foundation—and I don’t back down from a promise.

Looking up from the base of the mountain, there were all kinds of self-defeating thoughts going through my head.

But I was still determined to do it.

After climbing for five days, I was freezing, exhausted, and doubting myself.

We began our final ascent at 11:00 p.m. and hiked through the darkness. I was mentally and physically exhausted, but my adrenaline had taken over.

Still, the voice inside my head that had been easier to quiet at 10,000 feet had just reached a thunderous roar. 

“You’re too old for this, you don’t have the stamina, and you have six kids at home—why did you ever think you could do this?”

Somehow, I Kept Going

As the sun started to show itself from behind the surrounding peaks, I found myself on yet another switchback. My legs were aching from the relentless climb.

But then it hit me—I was at the top.

As I looked around me, the sky was an unbelievable shade of blue. The ground was covered in bright white snow mixed with dirt from the boots that had walked this path before me.

And it was glorious!

There, on a brown wooden sign that seemed to have had better days, were the words:

CONGRATULATIONS—you are now at UHURU peak, Tanzania—Africa’s highest point.

As I struggled to suck air into my oxygen-deprived lungs, I looked at my teammates and began to cry tears of joy, tears of accomplishment, tears 25 years in the making.

At 42, for the very first time, I felt a deep sense of pride in myself on top of that mountain.

In a moment of oxygen-deprived clarity, I realized—as I put one foot in front of the other, what it meant to truly respect myself.

As I stood on top of that mountain, I finally experienced what it means to truly believe in who I am.

And for the first time, I understood my worth.

I Finally Believed in Me

Now, nearly a decade later, climbing Mount Kilimanjaro has shaped and defined me.

I am no longer that scared young girl from high school.

Instead, I am a successful entrepreneur and a strong woman who knows what it means to be confident.

I also know exactly what it takes to get there.

We all have experiences in life that shape and define us. Some are good, and some are not so good.

The key is learning to believe in yourself through both the good and the bad that life throws at you.

My challenge to you is to look back on those experiences that have shaped your life and determine how they are shaping your future.

If a past experience is keeping you from fully believing in yourself, determine how you can reframe your thinking and let it go.

If an experience has been a positive force for good in your life, determine how you can hold onto that experience and use it to propel yourself forward.

It’s not our past that defines us. It’s how we view our past and the stories we tell ourselves about those experiences.

So what stories are you telling yourself, and how are those thoughts defining you?

It’s amazing the power that comes when we finally believe in ourselves as capable, worthy, and deserving.

They say that knowledge is power—and embracing the knowledge of who we are and what we are capable of is life-changing.

When we learn to wield this power for good, there is nothing we cannot do.