This month marks 32 years of marriage between my husband and me.

Wow, just saying that out loud feels surreal.

I often get asked by friends, family, even strangers, “What’s the secret? How did you do it?”

The truth is, there’s no magic formula or perfect recipe.

If I could distill it down to one single word, though, it would be communication.

But even that one word doesn’t tell the whole story.

One of Us Always Stayed in the Fight

There’s a joke I’ve heard and now frequently share, although I can’t recall exactly where I heard it first: “The key to a lasting marriage is that neither of us wanted a divorce at the same time.”

Funny?

Absolutely.

But honestly? There’s a deep truth in that statement.

It’s simple but powerful—one of us always stayed committed when the other was ready to throw in the towel.

There have been days (yes, many of them!) when I was just frustrated beyond belief, tired of arguing, or ready to call it quits.

But on those days, my husband stood his ground, steady as ever, reminding me that what we had was worth fighting for.

And, of course, there were moments when the roles reversed, and it was me standing firm.

That balance has carried us through even the toughest of times.

Unicorns and Rainbows? Not Exactly.

People often romanticize marriage.

It’s easy to imagine it’s always sunshine and roses, unicorns and rainbows, laughter and kisses.

But marriage is real life—and real life is messy.

There are bumps, detours, potholes, and occasional storms.

Early on, we learned (sometimes the hard way) that we would never see eye-to-eye on everything.

There would always be something we disagreed about. But that’s okay.

Love isn’t about agreeing on everything—it’s about agreeing to work through everything.

When we first married, I was young—just 21 years old.

I had no idea what marriage truly entailed.

Sure, I’d seen my parents’ long and loving marriage, but actually living it was a different story.

We both dove in, and soon realized we had a lot to learn.

Together, we navigated those early days, making mistakes, forgiving one another, and figuring out the rhythm of partnership.

Learning to Work Together, Not Against Each Other

Over the years, we discovered the necessity of treating our marriage as a true partnership.

We learned each other’s quirks, strengths, weaknesses, and preferences.

Instead of letting our differences drive us apart, we learned how to leverage them.

What I’m not good at, my husband often is, and vice versa.

This teamwork has allowed us to build a life we’re proud of.

And what a life we’ve built: six wonderful, often chaotic children, countless beautiful memories, and adventures that have taken us across the world.

Our life isn’t perfect, but it’s full of love, laughter, and mutual respect.

We’ve created a partnership we’re both grateful for every single day.

Showing Our Kids What Love Looks Like

One of my favorite things, even after 32 years, is when my husband and I kiss or hold hands in front of our kids.

Of course, it often prompts eye-rolls and exaggerated groans: “Ew, gross!”

Our usual response?

“You have no idea how lucky you are that your parents still love each other so much.”

While we joke, I honestly believe that this display of lasting love and affection sets a powerful example for our children.

It’s a reminder to them—and to us—that despite all the hurdles we’ve faced, our love has persisted and grown deeper.

Our kids get to see firsthand that love is more than romance; it’s patience, commitment, and unwavering support through life’s ups and downs.

The Real Secret to Marriage: Keep Choosing Each Other

After 32 years, I realize there’s really no finish line.

Marriage is a constant journey of growth and understanding.

You never “arrive,” because love evolves as we do.

Every day is another chance to communicate clearly, support wholeheartedly, and, above all, keep choosing each other—no matter how tough things might get.

My challenge for you today is simple: nurture your relationships with intention.

When frustrations come (and trust me, they will), choose kindness.

When disagreements arise, choose to communicate rather than withdraw.

Most importantly, choose to be the one who stands strong, ready to fight for the relationship when the other feels overwhelmed.

Because, in the end, that’s truly how lasting marriages are built—one choice, one day, one conversation at a time.