I do not make New Year’s resolutions.
I don’t believe in them. They often feel like setting yourself up to fail, simply because so few people actually follow through.
I have nothing against them, but I have learned that January First does not magically make me a different person. If I want to change something, I usually just decide to do it when it feels right, not because the calendar tells me I should.
So this year, Dry January was not my idea.
It was my son’s.
He challenged me to go a full month without drinking alcohol, and honestly, if your kid challenges you like that, you kind of have to do it. It wasn’t dramatic. No long conversation. It was basically, I bet you can’t. And just like that, it became a commitment.
There was also an incentive involved. Or what we thought was an incentive.
He said that if my husband and I didn’t drink alcohol for the entire month, he would come home for my book launch party. That sounded appealing until we actually thought about it. The party is in the middle of the week. He would have to miss two full days of college classes. And as we later remembered, this is also midterm week.
So no, that was never actually going to happen.
The whole bet was ridiculous from the start.
He was not skipping midterms to come home for a party, and we all knew it. But in the moment, it felt like a solid enough deal to say yes without thinking it all the way through.
And right after agreeing, I thought, what was I thinking?
The Worst Timing Possible
This is not a quiet January for me.
I have my book launch coming up next month. I am planning three different events. I have multiple speaking engagements on the calendar. My schedule is full, my brain is busy, and yes, there are moments when a glass of wine sounds like a lovely way to wind down.
And that is exactly when I decided, sure, let’s take wine out of the equation completely.
It felt a little backwards. If there was ever a month where it would make sense to say, not now, this would be it.
But here we are.
And honestly, it has not been a bad thing.
What I Noticed During Dry January
I am sleeping better. That’s the headline. The rest is just observations.
The biggest thing I’ve noticed is not about alcohol at all. It’s about how many moments come with an unspoken script. Dinner equals a drink. Couch equals a drink. Going out equals a drink. Not because anyone needs it, but because that’s just how those moments are usually packaged.
Taking wine out of the mix hasn’t felt dramatic. It’s just made those defaults more obvious. Like realizing you always sit in the same seat at a restaurant.
I’ve also been drinking a lot more sparkling water. Not because I’m virtuous. Because I apparently like bubbles and something cold nearby. That’s it.
And no, this hasn’t turned into some personal transformation. I’m the same person. Just slightly better rested and very well hydrated.
Going Out Without Drinking
The other night, I went out with friends. We went to dinner and then to a champagne bar, which felt ironic.
Before we even left, I decided I would be the designated driver. That way, there would be no pressure, no awkwardness, and no internal debate.
And guess what?
I had a great time.
It did not matter that I was not drinking. The conversation was still fun. The laughter was still there. The night was still enjoyable.
I did try a mocktail, which was a mistake. Why do they even make mocktails? Just call it juice. That was not for me.
But sparkling water? Perfectly fine.
The biggest realization was this. The fear of not drinking socially is far bigger than the reality of it.
Are You Going to Quit Drinking Forever?
No.
Let me be very clear about that.
This is not a forever decision. This is not a dramatic lifestyle shift. This is not me declaring that I will never drink again.
What it is doing, though, is making me think.
Especially during the week.
If I sleep better without wine, maybe I do not need it as often as I thought. Maybe it does not need to be the default. Maybe it can be a choice instead of a habit.
That awareness alone feels valuable.
When People Say, “Just Have One”
Here is the part that matters most to me.
People will say, just have a glass of wine. Nobody will know.
And technically, that is true.
Nobody else would know.
But I would.
So much of what I talk about is keeping the promises you make to yourself. That is where confidence actually comes from. Not from hype. Not from motivation. Not from saying the right things.
From trust.
If I say I am going to do something, and then I do it, even when it is inconvenient, that builds self trust.
It does not matter what the promise is.
Making your bed every morning. Going for a walk. Not drinking alcohol for a month. Skipping caffeine. Setting a boundary. Saying no when you mean no.
The action itself might be small, but the message it sends to yourself is huge.
Why This Has Nothing to Do With Alcohol
Not drinking alcohol for a month is actually a bad example in some ways.
I already know I am capable of not drinking alcohol for a month. That is not the point.
The point is what happens internally when you keep a promise to yourself that nobody else is policing.
There is no applause for this. No one is checking in daily. No one is holding me accountable except me.
And that is where confidence grows.
Confidence is not loud. It is not performative. It is quiet and internal. It is built when you do what you said you would do, especially when no one is watching.
Confidence Is Built Through Follow Through
We often think confidence comes from feeling ready.
It does not.
It comes from action.
It comes from following through, even when something feels uncomfortable or unnecessary or mildly annoying.
Every time you keep a promise to yourself, you reinforce the belief that you can trust yourself.
And self trust is the foundation of confidence.
That is what carries you through hard conversations, big decisions, and moments of doubt. Not because you are fearless, but because you know you will show up for yourself.
What Dry January Is Giving Me
This month is giving me awareness.
It is showing me how automatic some habits are, and how little space we leave to question them. It is reinforcing that discomfort does not mean something is wrong. It usually just means something is different.
It is also reminding me that habits do not have to be permanent to be examined. You can try something on without committing to it forever. You can experiment without turning it into an identity shift.
And most importantly, it is reinforcing something I talk about all the time. Confidence grows when your actions align with your words.
Not perfectly. Not dramatically. Just consistently.
That part still holds.
A Gentle Invitation
If this resonates with you, I want to invite you to go a little deeper.
My new book, REAL Confidence, is all about building confidence from the inside out, by keeping promises to yourself, respecting your reflection, and trusting your own voice again.
You can pre order your copy at realconfidencebook.com, and when you do, you will receive all of the pre order bonuses created to support you as you start practicing this work in real life.
Not in theory.
In the everyday moments where confidence is actually built.
One promise at a time.
