Negative self-talk is something we all experience.

It comes when we least expect it, and it is relentless in its efforts to keep us stuck and to steal our confidence.

You don’t even have to just take my word for it.

Did you know that according to the Dove Self-Esteem Fund, which is an initiative aimed at promoting body confidence and self-esteem among women and young people, only 4% of women consider themselves beautiful? 

It’s astounding to me that 65% of people in the United States believe in aliens, but only 4% of women believe that they’re beautiful.

This statistic shows that there is a lot of work we need to do to help people (women especially) feel confident in who they are and what they are capable of.

So, how do we do that?

We Need to Let Go of the Negativity

It doesn’t matter who you are, where you live, or what your bank account says—everyone has moments of self-doubt and self-criticism.

These doubts often lead to self-deprecation.

And, sadly, when you self-deprecate, you’re being disrespectful to the most important person in your life—you.

For most of us, we were taught to respect our elders and peers, but we were never really taught to respect ourselves.

But the truth is that self-respect begins when self-deprecation ends.

We must learn to let go of the negative self-talk that cycles through our brain on repeat.

This negative self-talk not only keeps us stuck but it lessens our ability to believe in ourselves.

It isn’t good for our confidence, and it certainly isn’t a healthy place for our minds.

But, as we let go of the negativity and the self-deprecation, we will have the ability to focus our minds on our positive traits instead.

This is a much healthier place for our minds to be.

The more we see the good in ourselves, the more we gain respect for ourselves.

And when we begin to respect ourselves, confidence follows.

A Simple Way to Develop Self-Respect

If you’ve never been taught self-respect, how would you know how to develop it?

That’s a question I get asked all the time—how do you actually build self-respect?

For me, it’s as simple as ctrl-alt-delete. 

Yes, this is how we restart our computers, but I believe it’s also how we build self-respect.

Let me explain what I mean by that.

Control

Psychologists at Queen’s University in Canada found that we have around 6,200 thoughts a day.

But here’s the shocking part: 80% of them are negative, and 95% are repetitive.

This means that day after day, the same negative thoughts are on repeat in your mind.

The good news is that when you start catching those negative thoughts and consciously replacing them with something positive, you break the cycle.

And having the ability to break a vicious cycle brings the control squarely back into your court.

Alt

Alt is short for alternative. 

Instead of letting negative thoughts take over, shift your focus to the positive.

Replace “I can’t” with “I can” and “What if I fail?” with “What if I succeed?”

We have got to stop the self-sabotage.

There is a better way, and we need to be intentional about choosing it.

Delete

The final step is to delete the habits and beliefs that undermine your confidence.

Imagine erasing them from your mind, like closing an unhelpful or distracting program on your computer.

In their place, install empowering thoughts and affirmations that reinforce your worth and potential.

By pressing ctrl-alt-delete in your life, you can clear the clutter and finally begin to respect the person you see in the mirror.

Hard Days Will Come

Despite our best efforts, each of us will face challenges in our lives.

It could be finding the courage to request a well-deserved raise, the fearlessness to pursue a new career path, or the strength to demand respect in a conversation.

It’s important to recognize that negative thoughts are sure to come in our challenges because that’s part of being human.

But we get to choose what we do with those thoughts.

So, when those hard days come, how are you going to choose to face them?

Will you shrink back and stay in that negative frame of mind?

Or will you cheerfully face each day with bold confidence?

True boldness lies in confronting these daunting days and facing our deepest fears and doubts head-on.

Because the truth is that you are STRONGER than you think.

You are more BEAUTIFUL than you believe.

You are SMARTER than you realize.

You are more WORTHY than you recognize.

YOU are MORE than enough.

And every time you tell yourself these things and actually believe them, the more positive your self-talk will become.

So, what are you going to tell yourself today?

My hope is that when today’s challenges come, you will use ctrl-alt-delete to keep your thoughts in a healthy state of mind.

I promise that as you use this simple tool, the voice in your head will be much less self-deprecating. It will transform into a positive force for good in your life instead.

So, my challenge to you is to start today—pick one negative thought, reframe it, and break the cycle.

I know you can do it.

Because you are Unshakeable.