The Art of Learning to See Yourself Differently

There are so many statistics out there about body image and how women feel about themselves.

And sadly, there are some pretty horrific statistics.

The most heartbreaking statistic I have found is from the Dove Self-Esteem Project.

According to their research, only 4% of women nationwide consider themselves beautiful.

In the United States, 65% of people believe in aliens. Yet only 4% of women worldwide believe they are beautiful. That’s crazy to me.

If this statistic is true, we have a lot of work to do to help women see themselves differently.

Society’s Impossible Standard for Women

This morning, Olivia and I recorded a podcast about body image.

We discussed the damaging effects that society has on the way we see ourselves as women.

Sadly, so many of our ideals of beauty and body image come from what society tells us is beautiful.

And all too often, our body image is closely linked to self-esteem.

A staggering 91% of women don’t love their bodies and use dieting to try to reach their ideal body shape.

However, only 5% of women actually have the natural body type portrayed by the media.

Yet that is the body type that nearly everyone is trying to achieve.

Additionally, studies show that the more our young girls watch reality television, the more they are going to believe their appearance is what matters most.

Society has created an impossible standard for women, and women are going to extreme means to achieve it.

We can go on and on with statistics. There are too many to mention.

This is why we need to start doing something about it.

We Need to Change How We See Ourselves

If we are going to reverse this negative trend, it starts with women choosing to see themselves differently.

We, as women, are our greatest champions. Together, we can make a difference in how women are viewed by first changing how we view ourselves.

For most women, when we look in the mirror, the first thing we do is pick ourselves apart.

We see all the negative things we don’t like about ourselves, making it very hard to see the good.

If our focus is always on the negative, it’s impossible to see what makes us great because we stop looking for it.

This is why I love positive affirmations. They are important because they bring our focus back to the positive side of things.

Positive affirmations are a reminder of the good that we can do. They show us that there is another way to view things if we choose to see it.

Society tells us we have to be skinny, we can’t have gray hair, we should wear a certain style of clothes, and we need to wear a full face of make-up whenever we leave the house.

The list goes on and on of what society has laid out for us to be the perfect woman.

Rather than believing what society tells us to believe, we need to believe the truth.

The truth is, none of those things are you. You are not your body, your hair, your clothes, or your make-up. You are infinitely more than that.

The most important lesson we can take from this is that we need to do what works best for us and stop letting society tell us how to be.

We need to look in the mirror and see beyond all the superficial things that society gets stuck on. Because beyond those superficial things we will discover the heart of who we really are.

Stop Using Others as Your Measuring Stick

The other day, I was on a podcast when the host said he was at an event where he was sitting at a table with several women.

Just off the cuff, he said to the women, “I’m just trying to learn here, but I have a question that I’d like to ask you: Why do you gals get so dressed up with a full face of makeup when you come to these events? Are you trying to attract men?”

All the women were quick to give him a solid no. They weren’t trying to attract men at all. They did it to keep up with other women. They wanted to feel like they fit in with the other women in the room, so they put on their best faces.

I found their answer to be very telling. A lot of times, women feel they are in competition with all the other women in the room.

My problem is that I don’t do that right. I wear my jeans and t-shirts. And you can definitely see in my weekly videos that most of the time, I don’t have make-up on.

I’m just living life as I live it.

I truly believe that whatever it is that you do, you should do it because you want to do it, not because you’re trying to compete with someone else.

I know that there are a lot of women who will put on a full face of make-up before they head out for the day. And that’s perfectly okay if it’s what they love to do.

Still, it’s always important for us to ask ourselves if we are doing it for the right reasons. Are we doing it for ourselves? Are we doing it because it makes us feel better? If so, that’s fantastic.

But, like anything else in our lives, we should never be doing things to impress anyone else.

There are times when I get dressed up and wear a full face of make-up. I don’t do it often, but when I do, it’s because that’s what I want to do for me—no one else.

Sometimes when I go out, I want to get fancy. But most of the time, that seems like a lot of effort for me.

The older I get, the happier I am in simply being myself. That should be the goal for all of us.

When we stop using others as our measuring stick, we can actually find joy in just being who we naturally are.

What Do You See When You Look in the Mirror?

When we look in the mirror and see only the negative things, we start believing those things. It becomes how we see ourselves. And because we only see the negative, we start to feel negative, too.

This morning, when I woke up and looked in the mirror, I started down that negative road.

My hair is thinning, my grays are popping, my wrinkles are showing, and so much more. Then I recognized what was happening, and I started to talk myself down.

Well, actually, in reality, I had to talk myself up. I had to remind myself to get over myself and to stop focusing on the negative.

I flipped the script and started focusing on all the great things I had coming up in the day. I focused on the things that I loved about myself. And I made a conscious effort to stop picking myself apart.

This is something we have to remind ourselves of every single day—maybe even multiple times a day. But the more we choose to see the good, the more we will recognize it without even having to search for it.

I truly believe that when we change the way we see ourselves, the world around us changes.

When we change what we focus on in the mirror each morning, the world starts to open up to us. We’re willing to try new things, and we’re willing to help others.

Most of all, we’re willing to expand our goals and put in the work to accomplish them.

Your perspective of yourself is vital because it is the key to unlocking everything else.

So, my challenge to you is to look in the mirror each morning and focus on the good that you see in yourself. I promise you that it really will change the world—starting with your own corner of it.

Meet Simone Knego

Simone Knego is an international speaker, award-winning author and two-time TEDx Speaker. Her work has been featured on ABC, NBC, and CBS and in Entrepreneur Magazine and Yahoo News. Her literary contributions have been honored by the National Indie Excellence Award and the NYC Big Book Award. Simone has not only summited Mt. Kilimanjaro, but she is also the heart of a bustling household with six children, three dogs, and one husband of 31 years. As the creator of the REAL Method, Simone continues to inspire and impact teams, fostering growth, and promoting self-discovery. 

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