A Lobster’s First Halloween
This Saturday is my grandson’s very first Halloween. He’s going as a lobster, and his parents are going as chefs. I’m now lobbying hard for their dog to go as a steak so we can have the full surf and turf.
I’ve seen the costume. Tiny claws, little antennae, and the sweetest face peeking out of all that red. He has no idea what Halloween is, and he won’t remember a minute of it. I’ll remember all of it.
I haven’t dressed up in years myself. But if you walked into my study, you might think I never stopped.
The Wall of Masks in My Study
One whole wall is covered in masks I’ve collected from around the world. Whenever someone new sees it, the questions start right away. Where did you get that one? What’s the story behind this one?
I love telling them, because every mask is really a trip. Some are from family adventures with all six kids in tow. Some are from trips my husband and I took just the two of us. Each one takes me right back to a place and a time with the people I love most.
There’s one story that wall tells that I don’t share as often. It’s the story of the mask I wore for years.
The Mask I Wore for Years
From the outside, I looked like I had it all together. I smiled, I showed up, I said “I’m fine” more times than I can count. On the inside, I was second-guessing almost everything. Was I good enough? Did I belong in the room? How long until someone noticed I didn’t?
Here’s what nobody tells you about wearing a mask like that. It’s exhausting. All the energy I spent holding it in place was energy I could have spent living, growing, and showing up as myself.
That’s why the wall means so much to me. Every time I walk past it, I remember that I get to choose which masks I wear now. Most days, I choose none.
What Masks Do People Wear at Work?
I think about how many people walk into work every morning wearing a mask of their own. The colleague who nods along in the meeting and shares what they really think in the parking lot. The new manager who’s quietly drowning and won’t ask for help. The person with a brilliant idea who starts with “This is probably dumb, but…” and then talks themselves out of saying it at all.
I recognize every one of them, because I’ve been every one of them.
What Do Work Masks Cost a Team?
I’ve seen what they cost. Good ideas go unsaid. Small problems grow into big ones because nobody wanted to be the one to raise their hand. Talented people burn out from the effort of looking like they’ve got it all handled.
When people pour their energy into hiding, the whole team performs below what it’s capable of. That gap between potential and performance shows up in results.
What a Lobster Teaches Us About Growth
So back to my little lobster.
Did you know a lobster grows by shedding its shell? For a little while afterward, it’s soft and exposed. Then a new shell forms, a bigger one, with room to grow.
We work the same way. Every time we take off the mask, even a little, we feel exposed. We say the honest thing, we ask the question we’re afraid sounds silly. We admit we don’t know yet. It feels uncomfortable, and it’s also exactly how we grow.
The very first pillar of the REAL Method® is Respect Yourself. For me, that started with believing my real voice deserved a place in the room. Yours does too.
How Leaders Can Help Their Teams Take Off the Mask
If you lead a team, you have a beautiful opportunity here.
Go first. Tell them about a time you felt unsure or got it wrong.
Thank people for bringing problems early. What gets appreciated gets repeated.
Ask questions that invite honest answers. Try “What’s worrying you about this?” in place of “Any questions?”
When you take off your mask, you give everyone around you permission to take off theirs.
How to Start Taking Off Your Own Mask
If you’re the one wearing the mask right now, start small. Share one idea this week. Ask for help once. You don’t have to take it all off at once. I certainly didn’t.
What Mask Are You Ready to Set Down?
On Saturday night, kids everywhere will put on their costumes for a few hours of fun. By Sunday morning, those costumes will be in a pile on the floor.
So here’s my question for you this week: What mask are you ready to set down?
It might feel a little scary at first. Just ask my grandson the lobster. That soft, exposed feeling means you’re growing.
Frequently Asked Questions
Wearing a mask at work means hiding your real thoughts, doubts, or ideas to appear confident and in control. Common examples include staying quiet in meetings, avoiding asking for help, and saying “I’m fine” when you’re overwhelmed.
Most people hide out of fear of looking incompetent, being judged, or not belonging. Without a sense of safety, holding back feels less risky than speaking up.
Masks keep good ideas unspoken, delay problems until they’re costly, and drain energy that could go toward meaningful work. Over time, they contribute to burnout and widen the gap between a team’s potential and its performance.
The REAL Method® is a framework created by keynote speaker Simone Knego to help people and teams build real confidence. Its four pillars are Respect Yourself, Embrace Your Failures, Ask Yourself What You Want, and Live Without Limits.
About the Author
Simone Knego is an international keynote speaker, two-time TEDx speaker, and USA Today bestselling author of REAL Confidence: A Simple Guide to Go from Unsure to Unshakeable. Through the REAL Method®, she helps organizations build confident, high-performing teams that close the gap between potential and performance. Learn more at simoneknego.com.
