More than ten years ago, I decided to climb Mount Kilimanjaro.
I was a stay-at-home mom of six. I had no hiking experience. And once I started telling people about it, I kept hearing the same question.
“Do you really think you’re going to make it to the top?”
My answer?
“No. I think I’m going to make it halfway.”
People laughed. A few looked relieved, like I’d finally come to my senses.
Honestly, I was just being funny. I didn’t have a comeback prepared and I wasn’t about to debate anyone, I also wasn’t going to let their doubt climb that mountain with me.
I made it to the top.
Why do other people’s doubts feel so loud?
That wasn’t the first time someone questioned a big decision of mine, and it wasn’t the last.
When we decided to adopt our daughter Mili from Ethiopia, the question just changed shape.
“Do you really think you should have six kids?”
Here’s what I’ve learned from both of those moments. Questions like these usually sound like concern. Sometimes they are. More often, they tell you about the other person’s comfort zone. They’re measuring your mountain against their own legs.
Mili came home at two years old. Years later, her oldest brother helped me move her into American University. I think about that question every time I look at our family.
Our brains are wired to pay extra attention to anything that feels like a threat, and doubt from someone we care about can feel like one. One skeptical comment can stay with us longer than ten encouraging ones. That’s why it matters so much what we let in.
What does this look like at work?
You don’t need to climb a mountain to run into this. It shows up in conference rooms every single day.
“We tried that in 2019.”
“That’s not how we do things here.”
“Are you sure you’re ready for that role?”
Each comment seems small. Over time, they add up. People stop raising ideas. They stop volunteering for stretch assignments. They start shrinking their goals before anyone else has the chance to.
That’s how potential quietly stays potential. And for HR and L&D leaders, that’s a real cost. You can invest in development programs, leadership pipelines, and training, and still lose ground if the culture teaches people to wait for permission to believe in themselves.
How do you keep other people’s opinions from bringing you down?
This is where the REAL Method® comes in, especially two parts of it: Respect Yourself and Ask Yourself What You Want.
Here’s how I put it into practice.
1. Consider the source.
Before you absorb someone’s opinion, ask yourself: has this person done what I’m trying to do? Do they know what I’m capable of? Feedback from someone who’s been there deserves your attention. Doubt from someone who’s never tried deserves a polite smile.
2. Keep the useful part and leave the rest.
Some concern carries real information. “Pack warmer layers than you think you need” is advice worth taking. “Do you really think you can do this?” gives you nothing to work with. Take the first kind with you and let the second kind go.
3. Get clear on what you want.
When you know exactly why you’re doing something, other people’s opinions have much less room to move you. I knew why I wanted to climb. I knew why we wanted to grow our family. That clarity was my anchor.
4. You don’t owe anyone a debate.
When someone questions your big goal, you don’t have to defend it, prove it, or win them over. A little humor works just fine. I laughed off “Do you really think you’ll make it?” and saved my energy for the climb. Your energy is limited, so spend it on the goal.
5. Choose your climbing team carefully.
On the mountain, the people around you affect your pace, your mood, and your belief that you’ll make it. The same is true at work and at home. Spend more time with the people who ask “How can I help?” and less time with the ones who ask “Are you sure?”
What can leaders do to protect their team’s confidence?
If you lead people, you have a lot of influence over which voices get the loudest.
Notice who shuts ideas down in meetings, and how often. Try swapping “Will that work?” for “What would it take to make that work?” Celebrate progress along the way, because that’s where people decide whether to keep climbing. And when someone on your team shares a big goal, be the person who helps them pack for the trip.
Confident teams take smart risks, speak up sooner, and bounce back faster. That’s what it looks like to Turn Potential Into Performance.
So, what’s your Kilimanjaro?
Somebody in your life has probably already asked you some version of “Do you really think you can do that?”
You don’t have to argue with them, you don’t even have to convince them, you just have to keep walking.
And if anyone asks whether you’ll make it to the top, feel free to tell them halfway. Then go prove yourself wrong.
Start by considering the source, keep any feedback that’s genuinely useful, and get clear on what you want. The clearer your goal, the less room other people’s doubts have to move you.
Our brains give extra weight to anything that feels like a threat. That’s why a single doubtful comment can linger long after a compliment fades.
Pay attention to how ideas get received in meetings, reframe doubt into problem solving questions, and celebrate progress along the way.
Want to bring this conversation to your team? Learn more about my keynotes at simoneknego.com/speaking, pick up REAL Confidence, or listen to more stories like this one on Her Unshakeable Confidence, the podcast I co-host with my daughter Olivia.
